And here we thought Ashlee was the Simpson sister with a handle on reality. Our worldview has come crashing down today, with Perez Hilton's report that Ashlee got into a screaming match and then a booze-fueled dance-off with husband Pete Wentz's ex-girlfriend, Gossip Girl guest star Michelle Trachtenberg, at an L.A. party Monday night.
"Ashlee got very very drunk," a source tells the gossip queen. "As the evening went on and Ashlee started to get sloppier, things got out of control." After about twenty minutes of civil conversation between the Wentzes and Trachtenberg and her new boyfriend, Ashlee reportedly had a little too much to drink and, while "staring directly at Michelle and hurling insults at her," began giving her husband a raunchy lapdance. Read: Dancing Can Improve Your Relationship
Well, of course. What else would you do in that situation? We've always believed that drunken lapdancing is a slightly more socially acceptable alternative to peeing on a fellow to mark your territory. To put the classy cherry on top of her bumping and grinding, Ashlee reportedly screamed at Michelle, "I hope you know, the whole time you were dating Pete, I was f*cking him!" Guess Papa Joe ran out of purity rings after he gave Jessica hers, huh?
Now, we have a couple of quibbles with this story. First is the matter of Ashlee and Pete's seven-month-old son, Bronx. Parents of small babies are often under a great deal of stress, and frequently don't get a lot of sleep. And sleep-deprived people sometimes make bad decisions … like giving lapdances and screaming at their husbands' exes. In public. In front of gossip reporters. Read: Having A Baby Improved My Sex Life
There are also the rumors of a sibling for wee Bronx. Star reported last month that Ashlee is expecting again, which, if true, would cast some doubt (or at least cause a lot of public hand-wringing) on her alleged alcohol consumption Monday night. So something here is not true, and we're still hoping it's the part about naming the kid Bronx. Seriously. That's cruel.
Via Perez Hilton. Photo courtesy of Splash News.