So here, finally, by popular demand, is a retelling of the incredible thing I saw last week.
So, I was on my way to work, Wednesday morning, and as usual I was running late. As I was approaching 62, off of Highway 100 heading South, I noticed that the traffic was going really slow on the right hand side. I figured there must be an accident or someone pulled over, and everyone was stopping to gawk, or rubberneck. As I approached closer, I found out that they were indeed stopping to gawk and rubberneck, but this was no accident. It was a definite train wreck.
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There in the right hand lane, on Hwy 100, was this girl – this fat girl – on a Pink scooter. Not just pink, but pink pink. And not just fat, but fat fat. And she wasn’t just on a pink scooter, she was mostly hanging off the sides of the pink scooter. It was like a big pink Hostess Sno-Ball on a pink flexi-straw. In a pink velour track suit. All pink. Cute little ghetto track suit, all in pink, just like her scooter. And here’s the best part, wait, wait for it, because it is le-gen-dary…. She had all this long blonde hair flapping all over the place, going crazy in the wind. I thought to myself, how can she even see to drive in that thing, with all that hair going everywhere? But as I pulled closer, which has hard, because everyone had slowed down to stare at her, it turns out , it wasn’t her hair at all. She had on a pink helmet, the same pink as everything else, and on the side, attached with two big pink bows, were fake blond pigtails. Flapping in the wind. It was so priceless that I only wished I had my camera with me at the time. Someone needs to get a picture of this girl, seriously.
Here’s the deal though – kudos to her for flying her freak flag high. I’m sure not that brave. I’d not be caught anywhere but on the sofa in a pink track suit. And yes, sadly, I do have one, though it’s not velour, and it’s from J.Crew, and it’s this distressed vintage kind of tee-shirt knit, and it’s got a hoodie and some yoga pants, and it’s more pink pink than pink. And now I’m thinking that it’s time to meet the garbage, because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wear it again in good conscience. Seriously though – girlfriend was not worried about the fact that she was only going about 35 or 40 on the highway, and she sure wasn’t worried about what people thought of her. She was just doing in her thing, bright and early in the morning, all matchy-matchy, and it was hilarious. All I can say, now, is good for her. I can only wish I had that kind of courage and confidence. You go girl!