You'd think this would be nothing but torture for Father Ksawery Knotz, but Knotz, a celibate monk, can now add Sex Author to his resume. It gives him range, we guess.

Knotz recently wrote Sex As You Don't Know It: For Married Couples Who Love God. Nevermind that Knotz doesn't, you know, technically score—he thinks that's a moot point. Afterall, he says sex is always between you, your husband/wife AND God—and Knotz knows an awful lot about the third person in the bedroom. Rabbi's Rx For Sexless Marriage

He runs a website called A Chance To Meet, where he answers sex questions from couples who are grappling with figuring out how to screw in a holy manner. Which, we guess sometimes boils down to sexual positions for married couples.

"Some people, when they hear about the holiness of married sex, immediately imagine that such sex has to be deprived of joy, frivolous play, fantasy and attractive positions," writes Father Knotz (via Time interview), "They think it has to be sad, like a traditional church hymn. But every act, caress or sexual position that has the goal of arousal is permitted and pleases God."

Really, Father? Every act? All of them? The article mentions some smart ass in the audience who asked the Father if it's OK to get a little kinky. When the subject of whips were broached, Knotz replied "[he]does not talk about pathology but a normal behavior. We should not make a sex shop out of the Church." Sex Toys You'll Both Love

So, we'll take that as a "no."

While Time says the book stays in line with the Catholic Church's teachings, it has been given the rather saucy nickname "The Catholic Kama Sutra," which leads us to believe Father Knotz may have dreamt up some creative uses for legs, arms, pillows and mouths.

As it would go, Knotz even makes a sport analogy when talking about doing the nasty. Men. They're all the same.

"I compare sex to a football game," he said. "There are games of different leagues, great and wonderful as well as boring and hopeless."