Loving Your Husband More Than Your Children
Does loving your husband more than your kids make you a bad mother or a good wife?
In Bad Mother, author Ayelet Waldman encourages women to aspire to be "not bad" mothers and resist the pressure to meet the extremely high standards of success that society has for women and motherhood. Waldman wants women to stop trying so hard and just be. She argues that mothers can and should be honest, flawed, and, yes, selfish sometimes—your ability to care for your children will not suffer. Discuss: Which is harder: marriage or motherhood?
Waldman's book is a welcome change from the usual motherhood self-help nonsense that lines the shelves at Barnes & Noble. The book deal was struck after Waldman wrote a controversial piece for the New York Times‘s Modern Love column a few years ago. In Truly, Madly, Guiltily, she wrote about loving her husband, author Michael Chabon, more than their four children. Her confession came about after observing how many other mothers didn't seem to have as active a sex life with their husbands, a fact she attributed to their focus on being moms rather than wives.
"Why am I the only one incapable of placing her children at the center of her passionate universe?" she asked. She goes on to describe how she could envision enduring a life in which all her children died, "God forbid," but if something were to happen to her husband, she could "imagine no joy" without him. Read: Why I Love My Kid More Than My Husband
Her column set off a firestorm of criticism from other mothers who were quick to label her a bad mother. I suspect Waldman knew all along her column would enrage others, inspire water cooler conversations, and get her a book deal. I'm not saying Waldman isn't brutally honest in her admission that she loves her hubby more than their kids, but I think it was an unnecessary one.
Finish reading this article at The Frisky.
More from The Frisky:
Why Do Women?
Should People Vow To Have Sex Regularly?
When Does A Couple Become A Family?
Discussion
Even though through my marriage I did love my son more than my ex, at the risk of being called a "bad Mother", I agree that you should put your husband first.
I know women are always stating that their children comes above all others. That men may come and men may go, but your children are your blood, and will always be your children, all of which is true. However, your husband is your partner, and that person and partnership should come first in your life. This does not make you a bad Mother. It does not mean that you care for your children any less.
I think it was really stupid of Waldman to write an article saying she loves her husband more. Someday her children will read it. The part about surviving their death seems cold to me.
On the other hand, I don't think she deserved to be attacked so fiercely for her opinion.
And I do think moms need to remember to be wives, too. Your kids grow up, but you're hoping to grow old with your husband. You have to figure out how to balance your family members, not choose which ones you love best.
