It's said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So, yes, we know that snooping around our S.O.'s email account is a bad idea and that believing in the fairy-tale love stories we grew up reading is silly but sometimes we find ourselves giving these relationship moves the ol' college try! The results? Not so successful. Plus, we start to feel unbalanced - and perhaps rightly so.
This point is this: there are certain relationship mistakes women make over and over again. Like sleeping in a bad position and waking with a stiff neck, we sometimes don't realize we're blundering and repeating until the "ouch" factor comes into play. Well, it's time to stop. We're declaring once and for all: let's quit! Quitters sometimes prosper, especially when lousy habits get left behind. Here's the list of relationship blunders we wish we ladies would stop making.
1. Thinking we'll never get over him. We will. Two months and several powdered donuts later... we'll feel better.
2. Hacking into email or phones looking for suspicious messages and then yelling at him for the "k thnx bye" text he sent to his female co-worker two months ago. "k thnx" is not code for "hot steamy sex." (Is it?)
3. Thinking our partners must be interested in everything we do, think and say. When it comes down to it, we zone out when men talk about circuit boards, right? Having a best friend or gab partner outside a relationship is a good thing.
4. Displacing. Freud was right with this one. If we're mad at him because he ate our tasty restaurant leftovers out of the fridge, tell him we're mad at him because he ate our tasty restaurant leftovers out of the fridge. Don't turn it into a commitment issue.
5. Putting so much energy into the idea of a fairy-tale romance that we're disappointed with anything less.
6. Waiting for someone to find us, instead of going out and finding someone ourselves.
7. Thinking that a perfect relationship should be easy. Relationships require work and compromise; a perfect relationship means doing those things well.
8. Dropping our friends when we're falling in love. Friends help define who we are and we need them when things get tough.
9. Thinking that getting a boyfriend or husband will solve all our problems. No one can fix our lives for us!
10. Using the silent treatment. Our partners can't read our minds; he won't know what's wrong unless we suck up and tell him.
11. Not asking for what we want in bed. It can be as little as an appreciative moan when he does something good or as much as a frank discussion about our fantasies. Again, he can't read minds and we'll both benefit from knowing what we find pleasurable.
12. Denying that there's a problem in our marriage or relationship, instead of facing it and asking ourselves what needs to be done. Problems don't usually go away on their own. Letting them fester only makes it worse.
13. Thinking that depending on someone else is a weakness. Leaning on someone else sometimes is the sign of a healthy relationship.
14. Over-analyzing. There's analysis and then there's over-analysis. Wondering why the fiance didn't call once during his bachelor weekend in Vegas? A legitimate case for analysis. Wondering why he only called twice and not three times during a guys' night out? Not so much.
15. Trying to reinvent the relationship wheel. If some items on this list feel cliche, it's because they are! If we would only listen to a good dose of love advice now and again, we'd probably save ourselves some heartache.
1. Choosing ourselves, even if it means upsetting others and not being popular anymore. Even if it means we leave a party before anyone else because we feel tired, overwhelmed, or just plain feel done with the crowd.
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