I guess I was charmed when I met my husband. We were cast together in a show. I took one look at him and that was it. In retrospect, he was probably the only straight man I have been cast with since, in 30 years. But, at 24, I didn't think about that! I just knew I was in love, and I was right. And that love lasted 22 years.
But back to right now. I am fretting about what to wear - have NO idea. The weather isn't summery and it isn't wintery. It's just in between; I don't think a sweater alone will do, and I don't have the right blazer to pull anything together. I am a dress person and I guess I better go start going through my closet for something (outdated, no doubt) that will do.
I am sure there are men out there right now who are just as nervous and unclear as I am. Should we wear signs? "nervous, but try me." "just looking for sex." "I'll do anything."
Why does this have to be so hard? I see myself leaving the event early - very early - shortly after I have seen that there isn't a single man there interested in me. It's not that I am shy - that has never been a problem for me. In fact, my personality seems to be one of my stronger assets. I am told I am funny, etc - the usual platitudes your friends (all couples) soothe you with.
The "cheaper" women (sorry, ladies, but it's true) are the ones you see surrounded by men. I can't be what I am not, and I won't change myself to attract someone's attention, for that person will not be what I am seeking in a man, anyway. So no too much makeup, spiked hair, long red or french nails, tons of jewelry and no gaudy cheap handbag for me. Oh, and no tattoos or ankle bracelets. I have class, if nothing else. 5 Fashion Choices That Turn Him Off
Do all men just want to get laid? The few unattached males I know (either unattached but very good friends, or in love with someone else) say that yes, all men want to get laid. But they also seek relationships. I loved being a wife. Is my destiny to be living in a condo with other older single women, getting a pot belly and joining the Sweet Adelines? Will I be buying "seasonal" sweatshirts and shopping for knick-knacks till I just die? Eating out with (lady) friends once a month, going to art movies, and drinking wine which I don't even like?
Where does a decent, fun, and quite out of the ordinary woman find love again? Is every man out there so damaged that it isn't even worth pursuing?
Does joy die after you lose your mate too young? Why can't I get a second chance? It seems like a cruel game God is playing with me. Yet I have been so lucky in other things.....I don't want to become bitter, but I am not ready to "SODUKU" my evenings away for the next 20 years (about the time frame I see for me still wanting to be social) and just wait to die?
I refuse to believe what someone told me when I was 21 - "life sucks, and then you die." Please, fate - shine on me today, it's my turn after 11 years!
If anyone wants to know, I'll be at my favorite grocery store at some point this afternoon - buying cat litter and feeling real sorry for myself. Still.......there is always hope -isn't there?