Almost Half Of US Kids Born To Unwed Parents
Why committed unmarrieds, many with children, decide not to tie the knot.
Is it the official-looking license? Or is it the round, sparkling symbol of unending commitment? In either case, an increasing number of couples are foregoing marriage, staying together with a more open-door policy. Many of these same couples, what sociologists have labeled committed unmarrieds (CUs) readily have children, reports Lisa Davis for Time magazine.
Davis reports that there are currently five million-plus unhitched couples living together in the US, reflecting close to an eight-fold increase since 1970. What's more, Davis also found that 40 percent of babies born in the US in 2007 were welcomed by a mother and father who were not married (of course only some and not all of these couples were declared CUs). Relationship Red Flags
Some of the couples interviewed for the article, who have opted for committed-but-not-married arrangements, say they like the idea that at any time either partner can leave the relationship if he or she wants to and that each partner has to actively choose to stay.
Possible reasons relationships without strings have become more common include a fear of divorce and the partners' desire to maintain a certain freedom. While many of these couples opt out of getting a marriage certificate they often still have legal paperwork drawn up to clarify child-custody and property rights.
Though it is fear that may drive some couples not to get married it may also be fear, of a different kind, that drives other couples to feel they must get married in order to solidify their commitment to one another. Yet, the reality is that a marriage can end and having a formal certificate is no sure bet that it won't. Married couples may just have to jump through a few more hoops to end their relationship.
Readers: If you were in a committed relationship and your partner avidly did not want to get married but wanted to start a family, would you be game?
Discussion
Honestly, I tend to see the whole un-marriage as a sort of self-deception. You still need to do all the same work in both situations, care for and nurture the relationships in just the same way. The divorce rates alone prove that marriage doesn't mean "till death do us part" in this day and age. Unfortunately, so many people abuse the idea of marriage that it now has that stigmata about it and people fear it because they don't want to be another statistic or they were children of a divorced couple, etc, etc. The institution is not to blame. There is a reason that there are marriage counselors everywhere. If people could get past this notion that they have to "actively choose to be together so it means more than being married" thing and open up their eyes then they'd see that you still have to actively choose to be married together with your husband/wife! Like the article says, you just have to jump through a few more hoops to get separated.
Marriage is symbolic of the level of commitment two people have towards each other (and I stick to gender neutrality, I believe marriage should be free for all) and the commitment they have to a continued relationship with each other. Marriage isn't a place to get to, which is how so many people see it and treat it. Its a process that is ongoing, evolving, changing, a state of being with another person and learning together and from each other and growing from that change and love.
That being said, i don't deny the non-marriage minded their views. We all have our reasons and I would never deny them theirs. However, I want a wife for my children. Its not the sanctity of God or religion that I seek, but the same clarity of purpose that I have towards the woman I love and shown equally from her to me. To me, that is a woman that i can raise happy, healthy children with.
It can be done out of wedlock, the children just need to be loved, and there are no strict guidelines for that. I just rail against people that want to blame something that is more of a symptom instead of looking at the actual problems. Marriage isn't the problem. The people that are getting married and not really understanding, or even attempting to understand, what it means to BE married are the problem.
