I haven’t written a post in a week. I’ve been busy – getting over H, trying to meet new people, getting hammered on Tuesdays, apparently – and my thoughts have been cluttered and not conducive to decent blogging. I actually think this is good; last week I felt a little insane and was very hung up on emotionally troubling things, but this week I am feeling more level-headed, more normal.
Ah well. Admittedly, I’ve been on the rag, and the hormones have made me jittery and absolutely monstrous at times. It was the first month I wasn’t on birth control for the first time in a long time, and while nothing changed physically, there was a significant difference mentally and emotionally. I felt downright nuts, and it didn’t help that I had been hoping to get pregnant. Obviously, it did not work, which is not surprising after years of being on the pill, but you just never know. I was hoping.
In the meantime, a few developments: that guy who wasn’t calling me finally did call me, and we spent today playing hooky on a very long (and very chaste) lunch date. I haven’t been on any other dates, but I have met several new people and seem to be making friends. I may also be developing feelings, or at least a sex drive, towards an older friend, who I’ll talk about later. Oh, and H is, probably at this moment, banging Bridesmaid’s innocent little brains out, for the first time. He said he’d break up with her, but then this trip came up, and, oh, I don’t know. It’s tough not to fuck someone who has nowhere to stay but your bed. I get that.
But, man. He wants me to meet her, or so he’s said, several times. But yesterday he wrote, “Are you going to hang out with us this weekend? Will you behave?” As if I were the one whose behavior needed to be regulated. I promised him I wouldn’t blow his cover with Bridesmaid—but I also promised I would not lie for him. So he’s sitting pretty as long as she doesn’t directly ask me if he’s cheating on her, and I see no reason why she would. Still—HE’S CHEATING ON HER. And I’M the one who needs to behave?
Well. It should be an interesting weekend.