I haven’t written a post in a week. I’ve been busy – getting over H, trying to meet new people, getting hammered on Tuesdays, apparently – and my thoughts have been cluttered and not conducive to decent blogging. I actually think this is good; last week I felt a little insane and was very hung up on emotionally troubling things, but this week I am feeling more level-headed, more normal.
Ah well. Admittedly, I’ve been on the rag, and the hormones have made me jittery and absolutely monstrous at times. It was the first month I wasn’t on birth control for the first time in a long time, and while nothing changed physically, there was a significant difference mentally and emotionally. I felt downright nuts, and it didn’t help that I had been hoping to get pregnant. Obviously, it did not work, which is not surprising after years of being on the pill, but you just never know. I was hoping.
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In the meantime, a few developments: that guy who wasn’t calling me finally did call me, and we spent today playing hooky on a very long (and very chaste) lunch date. I haven’t been on any other dates, but I have met several new people and seem to be making friends. I may also be developing feelings, or at least a sex drive, towards an older friend, who I’ll talk about later. Oh, and H is, probably at this moment, banging Bridesmaid’s innocent little brains out, for the first time. He said he’d break up with her, but then this trip came up, and, oh, I don’t know. It’s tough not to fuck someone who has nowhere to stay but your bed. I get that.
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But, man. He wants me to meet her, or so he’s said, several times. But yesterday he wrote, “Are you going to hang out with us this weekend? Will you behave?” As if I were the one whose behavior needed to be regulated. I promised him I wouldn’t blow his cover with Bridesmaid—but I also promised I would not lie for him. So he’s sitting pretty as long as she doesn’t directly ask me if he’s cheating on her, and I see no reason why she would. Still—HE’S CHEATING ON HER. And I’M the one who needs to behave?
Well. It should be an interesting weekend.