I started missing my new friend, and left my husband for the second time. I lasted two more weeks, and went back to my husband for a week, again using him to take the edge off. One week and I left him for the third time. This went on for another 3 months, leaving and coming back, hurting him over and over for my own selfish acts, and wanting to punish him for hurting me for soo long. I had finally broken him down enough for him to go see a lawyer, and I promised to leave him alone.
One week and two days ago I decided to meet my new friend, and it was horrible, all I could think about was my husband, and couldn't bring myself to have sex with him, and even though I had cheated during my marriage, it was so hard to bring myself to be intimate while seperated. Last sunday I got the guts to leave and drive straight to my huband's, knowing for sure that he is who I want to be with forever. Now over the time of me going back and forth, hurting him, punishing him, he changed into the man that I had always wished for him to be, loving, attentive, caring, he stopped looking at porn, and he always put me first when we had our time together, and all I did was stomp on his heart.
So now its been one week since I have decided that my marriage is worth saving, and no longer am I scared to give it all that I have. The past six months have changed me, but I still have alot to learn, and hope that one day I can make it up to all the people that I have hurt, including my family.