You never want to put your husband in the middle, but you can solve the problem on your own by dealing directly with her by bending over backwards to not only accommodate her, but proactively wooing her—because you know that it works.
You have to learn to appreciate her for who she is; don’t expect her to be anything other than who she is, and focus on the positive. There are many positive things that emerge after you start giving her what it is that she truly wants—and that is to be paid attention to by you, and courted and befriended, almost like you are a man courting a woman. It is complicated, but true! You must learn to respect her and do things her way, at least while you are visiting with her. You can revert back as soon as she leaves, but this is what works, so I advise not to fight city hall!