White Lies In Relationships
Big deal or no sweat?
You told your boyfriend about the lunch you had with your colleague, but forgot to mention it was with a hottie man who works on another floor. He told you his age, kind of, but rounded off to the nearest zero. They're tiny little stretches of the truth, meant to do no harm. Instead white lies are spouted to spare your partner's feelings and be polite. But are these fibs doing harm to your relationship?
According to Vicki Santillano, writing for DivineCaroline, most people tell a white lie at some point every day. She cites research from social scientist Bella DePaula showing that students lie in one out of every three conversations and that adults lie in one out of every five. Watch: When It's OK To Lie To Your Boyfriend
But these are told mostly to be polite or spare another person's feelings. "A little fabrication is mandatory in order to function within society. In fact, one social psychologist studying liars found that people who lie are often more popular than their honest peers. Telling white lies here and there keeps others happy and keeps us in their good graces," writes Santillano.
We're not so convinced that ignorance, especially in terms of our romantic relationships, really is bliss. Problem is, when a lie is uncovered it can shatter every shred of trust that was built between a man and a woman in a partnership. We say: We'd rather know what's really going on in our partner's life or what he's really thinking than be told any old thing to keep a shiny, wide smile on our face with eyes glossing over.
Readers, what are your thoughts? White lies: OK or not in your relationship?
Discussion
I love my boyfriend very much. I always make him feel special and all that.. always make sure his ok... I even dream of spending the rest of my life with him, growing old with him. But all the the love just vanish when i found out his lying to me. Lies makes every good things sour... I have forgiven him, but no matter how he pleads to continue our relationship... i just can't let myself indulge, it just sounds so stupid. :(
This has come up between me and my SO. I don't feel I have anything to hide so I answer her questions openly and honestly without even a second thought. She has commented on how much she appreciates the honesty even when I'm answering a question that she really doesn't want to know the answer to. Yeah, falls under the category of "Don't ask what you really don't want to know." It can be difficult in a relationship when there is some sort of imbalance between partners. Maybe one partied harder than the other, or they were a really ugly duckling as a kid and still haven't gotten past the scars from it. Maybe one partner is just more emotional secure than the other. The white lies come from a place of insecurity. It doesn't mean that we bludgeon our SOs with unrelenting honesty, but there is no reason to hide that you had lunch with some hot guy that you happen to work with. I really couldn't care less, unless he accidentally spills something all over that sexy dress I got her and love to see her in. Point is, white lies may enable a person to move through society and relationships with ease, but does that really mean that your quality of life is better? Its tough getting into deeper waters when all your doing is skimming by on the surface.
