If We Stop Kissing Then Swine Flu Wins

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If We Stop Kissing Then Swine Flu Wins
Cleanliness and common sense should help combat the virus.

In a goofy story out of Lebanon, the Beirut government asked citizens to pump the breaks on a tradition as time-honored in the country as lamenting (but continuing) sectarian strife and appreciating olives. Per Reuters, the act of the triple kiss "hello" has become too risky a proposition per Lebanon's Health Minister Mohammed Khalifeh. 

The theory goes that greeting someone by getting up in his/ her grill and dropping a smooch (even to the cheek) could pass the Swine Flu. This is directly in line with advice that the CDC is giving to people in terms of prevention.

Prevention gives a breakdown of ways to avoid catching the porcine plague but their top advice is to wash hands regularly and "avoiding that little kiss of a greeting when you meet someone." While there is not yet a vaccine for the oink-oink ailment, regular antivirals are doing a prett-y bang-up job fighting the malady in many patients.

In summary, this is something that we can beat, not like a rented mule but more like a stolen hog. Please use a little common sense. If you and some dude have been eye-boning each other all night and he has the following physical characteristics: difficulty breathing or shortness of breath, pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen, sudden dizziness, confusion and severe or persistent vomiting, it's possible that you should take a rain check on the sleepover, it's also possible that he's got a tightbuzz.com and just got socked in the gut. Try to use context clues.

As always, use your best judgment, but if you're going to stop dating, relating and mating because of this scare, then swine flu has already won. Let's use the AIDS lesson from the early 1990's; be careful but not crazy when it comes to prevention and avoid unprotected sex with strangers living in squalor (where possible).

Failing that, maybe you could take Peter Sarsgaard up on his offer below:

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