I never thought I would be writing a public blog, but here I am now. Reading the Susan Piver article about the 20 questions struck home, so I felt this website might be different than others I've seen.
So here I am. I'm Mexican, my husband is Dutch. We got married legally last April, so technically we're celebrating our anniversary thisThursday. We also married by the Catholic Church in October (for which I am grateful to him, since he's an atheist), and I moved to the Netherlands a week after.
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I knew the move would be difficult, but I now realize I didn't even know half of it. The first difficult thing was leaving my family, specially my mom. My dad died 14 years ago, and since then we'd been pretty close. For now I don't work, and I'm currently waiting to go to school and learn the language.
Not working really caused an impact on me. Suddenly I felt like there was no reason to get out of bed early... "what for?, I'm not working". I realize now that I didn't take housework or housewives seriously, so I felt there was nothing 'important' to do. Looking back I see I felt numb, I was depressed. I didn't read any of my books, which is something serious since they're the second great love of my life; didn't do any of the things I had planned to do, like scrapbooking.
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I had never been alone in my life, and damn, it's not easy at all! That has been one of the most difficult things I've faced. Still is really, I'm trying to adapt. That's the funny thing, I feel I've had no problem understanding or adapting to the culture... sure, there's still a lot to learn, but I have no problems moving around by myself. But being alone, ouch... I feel like I had been running from all the emotional traumas and difficutl situations in my life and now that I have time for myself they're catching up! I've been an emotional wreck, I've cried a lot and have mood swings very often. It's getting better now, but I still have a long way to go. I've discovered some hard truths about myself, and thought it's not been easy, I'm trying to really improve all those bad habits I developed during my life. So I'm trying to invest time in developing me. That's how my husband and I are calling it.
There is still so much to write, but I think I'll stop for now. The reason why this blog writing also came about was because last night we had a problem. But that problem made me realize how much I love him, and after some talking this morning I think we really have an idea of what path to follow to make our relationship solid.