Danny said that the hardest part of the exercise was that he could not sleep after sex. His body was still in a state of arousal. I said to him, "But isn't that good? Look how far you've come. A few weeks ago, you had no energy and no desire for your wife. Now, you have so much energy caused by desire for your wife that you can't even sleep!"
The long sexual encounters were good for both of them. For Meg it was great exercise, a great calorie-burner, and most importantly, great for the ego and self-esteem. She felt like her husband loved her again. For Danny, it was an awakening from the dead. His shriveled self had begun to expand. And it wasn't only his sex life that was gradually restored, but his interest in the details of his life that has sucked his spirit out in the first-place.
Sex is the ultimate expansion of one's life—of course this occurs literally with physical arousal. Many things in the body expand (no, I won't elaborate), but it also happens figuratively, with the arousal and expansion of one's inner life. We expand like a sponge. It is at the moment of sexual peak that we are most able to stake in all stimuli, and to take them in most fully. Thus the slightest word from a lover can either bring us to the highest ecstatic peak, or else to the depths of emotional pain—should the word be a careless or callous one. This is often named as the cause of female "anorgasm," a woman's inability to sexually climax. A man makes a snide remark about something strange that his lover says in the throes of passion, or the way that she looks in the throes of ecstasy, and the woman becomes completely cut off from that part of herself. She has absorbed fully and devastatingly the thoughtlessness of her lover. It can take years to recover, if ever.
Reprinted from The Kosher Sutra: 8 Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life by Shmuley Boteach copyright 2009 Harper One. Read more about Rabbi Shmuley at www.shmuley.com.