The Beer Goggles Calculator

By Tom Miller posted Apr 21st 2009 10:30AM

Being drunk doesn't make other people more attractive despite experience otherwise.

Our friends over at Lemondrop have a great feature today on fickle scientists "debunking" the idea of beer goggles. It turns out that people don't appear better looking when you're slizzard. Some dorks measured (with a protractors, I bet) the "hotness" of people to inebriated individuals and found that they still rank people similarly irrespective if their tipsy or crunk off that Henny.

Somewhere the good people at Anheuser-Busch are upgrading to Def Con 2 (Def Con 1 is reserved for prohibition or the cancelling of sports). I suppose the inhibition-removing power of Uncle Mickey's cough syrup just lowers standards and provides liquid courage. Who am I kidding? This whole thing comes as a major, major shock to me. I feel like I just found out about Santa Claus (that he and Jesus are different people).

While I collect myself, Lemondrop is holding firm on the existence of beer goggles. They prefer to stick with an old finding that declares the combination of alcohol and bad lighting is responsible for creating the illusion of beauty. They've even produced a handy-dandy tool for determining level of liquor-based myopia. Outstanding work. What else could you expect from an interweb destination named after a shot containing lemon juice, sugar and vodka: tart, sweet and intoxicating. This formula is screaming for an iPhone App… "I'm sorry, I can't take you home, it appears I have scored over 100 on the BG Test… I kid, I'll grab your coat, it's the extra large with."

(FYI: I have not been drinking though I spend a few weekends operating in between a 40 and a 60 on the scale.)