While scouring the web for the latest in dating advice we were lured into CNN's roundup of dating do's and don'ts informed by three matchmakers. In reading through the article we discovered that quite possibly, according to this list, we rank among the worst daters of the land. Here's why.
Firstly, these tips read a bit like hard-and-fast dating rules (do this; don't do that) to which one should strictly adhere. But for many of us, the act of dating is more of a case-by-case and play-by-play animal. It's often based on cues, hunches and sometimes even old-fashioned, gut-reaction intuition.
And while much of the advice given here is directed toward men (which begs the question, are matchmakers mostly women and their clients mostly men?) we wanted to offer up another point of view, lest eligible bachelors go around clamming up on us.
Beatrice Gruss, who founded Traditional Matchmakers, advises single men against "talking about themselves" on dates on CNN. She does go on to specify that it's drilling down about exes or negative experiences with women that's out-of-bounds territory.
Still-not-over-it negativity most certainly is a bust, we agree. But talking? Bring it. And the sooner a man can open up the better. We like to listen and we want to know all about this potential suitor to see if there's any connection. Nothing can be more irksome than a man who is unable to talk (especially after a few months of dating) about who he is, where he's coming from and what makes him tick. Many of us are not mind readers. And not to worry, Gruss. If he's going into talk-overload, we know what to do. We're adept at tuning out and making invisible lists in our heads when such actions are warranted.
One piece of advice that we found to be spot-on, and one that can be particularly hard to follow is this: Pay attention to your gut. Or as Ann Robbins, CEO of Lifeworks Matchmaking, says, "Don't ignore red flags." We've likely all been guilty, at one time or another, of trying to make things work that we know just don't. We're usually pretty good at convincing ourselves that we should give it a try and stick with it because nothing is perfect.
We're with Robbins on this one. If something hits you early on that gives you pause, don't ignore the sign(s). Listen to your heart; trust it; go with it. There may be another man out there who could knock you off your feet, without your having to do a spot of work or convince yourself of anything. Don't deny yourself that experience. As Robbins told CNN, "When you see things that don't fit have the courage to address them or walk away."
Readers: What's your take? Should men talk or not talk about themselves on early dates? Does connecting take work and time or is it more immediate?