Love has made me dizzy with craziness lately. I'm not one of those wishy-washy girls. I'm pretty straight about what I need. I'm sometimes (mostly) open and brutally honest about the way things are. I am dating this wonderful funny sexy man for the past 6 months. This is the 2nd go-around with him. He did the persuing in the begining. Totally not my type (or so I thought). Total Kevin James kinda guy. Brash, great sense of humor, shy at times- but allll man. Hmmm I think I'm turning myself on right now! lol. The first time around didn't work out because of many many reasons. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, he has kids and it sacred me to death, he was only out of his marriage for a year, he was very angry still over his wife's infidelity, he was drinkning way toooo much (beyond my liking for sure). But a year later, the attraction was still there and he settled down a whole lot...or so it appeared. He's very big into being there for his friends (he has many). Hanging out with them, doing them favors, helping them with whatever projects come up.I'm good with that- I love that about him...good quality - to a degree. I over extend myslef constantly- but he is ridiculous about the whole hafta go when a friend calls. The first 4 months were great- awkward at times for me. Adjusting to having a serious relationship in my life has not been easy. I have essentially been single for the better of 7 years now. Now I have been on dates and had some great nights...but an actually BOYfriend is foriegn territory to me. I have NO clue when to call, how to act or what to expect. I was married once- but that was a long time ago! But anyway so over the past 2 months things seem to have changed some how... He calls less, he's started drinking again- not everyday but at least once to twice a week. And when he drinks- he drinks. It's not one or two- it's 10-12. Yeah, I know RUN! But - yeah there is a buttttt.... But, you see I am now in love with him. He made me love him- l have only loved ONE other man and he died 8 years ago. I can't go through that heartache again. I just can't. I have tried 2 times now to talk to him about how when he doesn't call me for daysssss it hurts me. How when he breaks plans with me (with no call) - it hurts me. He says he's sorry but I put this wall up and I know he feels it. He says that I'm stand-offish- well HELLO!? He also has told me how he wants to have a baby with me and how he wants to be with me forever. Dude- he is not saying these things to get me into bed. I LOVE sex. I am a very sexual - open to pretty much anything- type of girl...so this is not a baby I wanna fuck you so I'll say anything to you thing. He says this stuff sober and in a complete calm state of mind. I just don't get how or why he says this shit and then stands me up - no call no nothing 2 times now!! I have hung with his buddies, they all seem to like me- I can drink with the best of them, and I am one smart funny cookie. Wives all chat with me like I'm their best friends and his buddies are always staring at my tits. I own my own house- I have a great job...wtf?!!! My friends tell me all the time how much better that I can do...but I LOVE him now...he made me love him. WTF?!
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