The New Way To Have It All: First Baby, Then Love

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working mom and baby at a computer
Women fighting fertility timeouts are redefining what it means to "have it all."

In the introduction of the book you describe a time when your friends were settling down. Do you think the the urge to settle is biologically or socially motivated?

I had a whole group of friends get married in their late twenties and early thirties. And a lot of those marriages are breaking up now. That pressure to settle down is, I think, very socially motivated. There's enormous amounts of peer pressure to get married, especially for women. There's still this idea in our society that a married woman has a little bit of superiority, that it's something she's "achieved." I hope my book will help change this culture so that marriage really is a choice, and it's one that you make because you love somebody and not because you think you should be married.

You point out that male fertility drops with age, just as a woman's does. Do you think this fact will get more attention once your book is out?

It's already gotten some attention in the press. In my book I talk to a number of men who have realized that they also face fertility issues. It's not as drastic as a woman's fertility—men can conceive babies well into their fifties. But more studies are coming out that say those kids have a higher risk of this or that.

It's important for men to be as aware of fertiliy as women are. I think men often blame women for fertility hysteria, but men need to realize that they have a responsibility, too. They need to be considerate about their girlfriend or fiancée or wife's fertility, and they should know that their fertility declines with age, too, albeit not as drastically as women's.

To buy In Her Own Sweet Time, click here. 

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