Is It OK To Be Called "Mrs. (Husband's Name)?"
Everyone differs in how they want their name to appear on an envelope or invitation.
A couple weeks ago I addressed the issue of a woman changing her name when she marries. I expressed that although I don't plan to change my name when I get hitched this summer, I respect and appreciate every woman's right to choose what's best for her. I reject the notion some have expressed that when a woman takes her husband's last name she's giving up her identity.
But then I had an interesting conversation with my mother recently that added a whole new layer to this name and identity dichotomy. I've been working on wedding invitations and I’m in the middle of finalizing a guest list and collecting addresses, so I shot my mom an email to make sure I had the most current addresses of our family members, and I also asked how I should formally address certain people on the envelopes. I figured that my mother and grandmother, being total old-school traditionalists, would prefer to be addressed with their husbands as Mr. and Mrs. TheirHusband’sFirstAndLastName, but I wasn't sure about everyone else. How, for example, should I address my aunt who's divorced but retained her married name?
My mother's reply sort of shocked me. As I expected, she expressed her desire to be addressed as Mrs. MyDad'sFullName, but said that etiquette dictated that all married women who share their husband's last name be addressed as such, and that divorced women who retain their married names, like my aunt, should be addressed as Mrs. — not Ms., as I assumed — TheirFullName. Most surprising to me, my mother said that even when a card is sent just to her, like a birthday card or Mother's Day card, she prefers to be addressed as Mrs. My Dad's Full Name and not, as I'd assume, Mrs. Her Full Name! "Your grandmother prefers that as well," she said, "We've talked about it." She says that addressing a woman as Mrs. Her First and Last Name would imply that she's divorced, and a card addressed without a title at all is just plain "impolite." "Google the etiquette rules if you don't believe me," she said.
Finish reading this article at The Frisky.
More from The Frisky:
What's In A Name?
A Father's Blessing: Sexist Tradition Or A Sign Of Respect
He's The One, But Is This The Ring?
Discussion
I don't mind it at all. In fact, at the risk of sounding old-fashioned, I actually like it. I think, because, it makes me feel for just that moment like I'm completely tied to my decision to marry my husband. For most of the rest of my day I'm just me. But when I read that envelope I remember, that I choose to get married to my sweetie, and that marrying him was the best decision I've ever made.
I absolutely hate being addressed as Mrs. Man's Name. I don't know how old the author's mother is, but I think there are plenty of women in their 40's, 50's, and even 60's who rebelled against these old-fashioned conventions. Gloria Steinem is over 70, for heaven's sake!
AMEN! Everytime we get a wedding invite that says to Mrs and Mrs [Hisname] [last name] I send the RSVP back that says from Mr and Mrs. Lyz [our last name]. I even hate "mrs", I just like "ms". No, it is NOT okay to be called Mrs. [husband's name]. It is rude and assumes my identity is his. IT ISN'T. I understand its a custom, but its a custom that needs to go.
