Oprah Winfrey Tackles The Birds And The Bees
Dr. Laura Berman has eyebrow raising views on kids and sex eduction.
It's no secret kids today are having sex (and learning about it) at ridiculously young ages. We're sure every sixth grader out there has a high school level education in oral sex, while we were tittering and passing notes about french kisses at that age. Furthermore, there's no reason to think the sex pendulum won't continue to swing in the explicit direction. As a culture we're just getting sexier.
Rather than resist or caution against this, Oprah Winfrey's resident sex doctor, Dr. Laura Berman, encourages parents to embrace their children's sexuality and even egg it on.
A stoic-faced Berman told the rows of moms sitting in the audience yesterday, where the topic was How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, that the ripe, old age of 13 or 14 is way too late to have the "big sex talk." Instead she guesses around 9 or 10 is appropriate. She even suggests mothers buy their teenage daughter a vibrator. To empower them, of course.
"You're teaching them about their own body and pleasuring themselves and taking the reins of their own sexuality so that they don't ever have to depend on any other teenage boy to do it for them," Dr. Berman says.
We saw that grimace you just gave the computer screen. We feel you, reader. The thought of our mothers gifting us a pocket rocket isnt anything that would've made us any more sexually balanced as a teen. In fact, we probably would've been less likely to use it, but Berman is intent that parents evolve with the times and strip away any taboo when it comes to sex. Specifically sex toys.
"I know it's controversial, but I can tell you giving them this kind of information makes them safer in the long run...I'm talking about something external for the clitoris," she says. "I'm not talking about things that go internally at all—[just] things that they can explore externally to arouse them."
Well, why not Doctor? Why not introduce your 13-year-old to award-winning toys like The Rabbit or Snake of Paradise? Seems a bit contradictory, no?
While some say having less of a stigma associated with sex will cut down on its thrill factor, we're not sure mothers and teenage daughters will ever feel comfortable enough to gab about the latest arrivals at The Pleasure Chest. But who knows. Crazier things have happened.
Discussion
I would wait until my daughters asked about sex or I had some idea they were interested in vibrators. I have a very large selection of sex toys and I don;t exactly flaunt them but they know I have them. If they asked about what they were for I'd explain and if they were interested buy them one but I wouldn't suggest it to them. Yes they need empowerment and they need the skills to pleasure themselves rather than relying on a teenage boy. Still I think sex education should be tailored to the child's needs and if you are open and available to talk about ANYTHING incuding the parts of life that may squick you out then you will be able to spot the "appropriate" time for the big talk.
We started talking about our daughter's private areas when they were toddlers and they are quite willing to talk to us about whatever is on their minds. I do agree though that sometimes you need to push lightly to get at what is on their minds but if you handle it as though it were a discussion about car repair or the latest sitcom show it seems to be easier.
My parents did make the effort to talk but the message they presented was "don't do it or else" . This didn't work for them and made my sister and I very confused as they were also very open about how they enjoyed sex and my Dad left all sorts of magazines and videos around depicting his fantasies. (No he isn't a perv we were simply expected to ignore the material. We were kids though and you know what happens when you tell a kid don't touch....) I would have liked to have a parent that was more willing to say "Here's some condoms and how about we get you on the pill?" It would have helped to regulate my cycles and bring me relief but it was something she was convinced would "make" me have sex. Thing is I was having sex anyhow...
My mother never gave me a vibe but she did talk to me about the necessity of knowing my own body and she openly admitted to having a vibe herself. I learned that it's better to know what you like and be able to convey this than relying on someone else to just magically "know".
So yes I would have liked to have a set of parents that made condoms and vibrators available but I wouldn't have liked it thrust upon me at the age of 10! It would have been nice to have it available when I asked though....
I know Dr. Berman's suggestions are very controversial, but there may be some merit. I am not sure. Most humans begin masturbating at a very very young age. She is just trying to make it more OUT THERE and let people know how natural it is. I think every family has to handle it the way it is appropriate for them. How cute was that little girl on Oprah?
I am a Pleasure Coach and the Founder of a very tasteful online romance store called BlissConnection. I am personally on a mission to get 1 Silver Bullet into the hands of every woman in the U.S. 18 years old and over. It's the most perfect and simple vibe - yest there are lots of fancier toys out there. But, there are atleast 13 Ways to Use the Silver Bullet and it's very unassuming and very discreet.
I even created a separate web site for my Mission called www . free silver bullet dot com. It is my way of getting one bullet into the hands of every American woman who has not had an orgasm before and every woman who has never tried a vibe before. Basically, you just pay for the shipping so the next is $13.01.
I hope to share my mission with Ellen and Dr. Berman. I want women to STOP FAKING IT and JUST HAVE ONE. That is what I think Dr. Berman is trying to do, just in a different way.
I think we're going to have a generation of kids who grow up and complain about their parents who gave them condoms and vibrators. Teens want independence and privacy. They've figured out you did it more than two times, but they don't really want parents who think about sex.
I've been thinking about this recently, and I think there is another way. Have books around the house they can read. Have aunts or adult friends who can answer questions. Have sex education in your school system and condom machines in public places. Let your kids discover things themselves, but make sure it's out there for them to find.
Anyone wish their parents had given them condoms or vibrators?
