Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will enter into holy matrimony—again—in two weeks, E! Online is reporting. Although the matching bleached villains of The Hills "eloped to Mexico" for an Us Weekly cover story in November, they say "This will be the real wedding," according to E!'s source. "It's being filmed as the season finale for The Hills."
Of course it is. As the world spins faster into a death spiral of foreclosure, doom, and flailing industries, we're more and more convinced that Heidi and Spencer are both the harbinger and the cause of this current apocalypse. (I saw Goody Montag with the Devil at Bear Stearns!) Therefore, we'd like to suggest a couple of things they can do rather than wear designer dresses on TV and make a mockery of a committed, loving relationship.
Resurrect Fear Factor. As contestants. We can't think of anything we'd rather watch these miserable famewhores do than eat cockroaches in front of Joe Rogan. Or maybe wade through a swamp of human feces and piranhas. Yeah, that would be awesome.
Try a few of Mike Rowe's Dirty Jobs. While we have the greatest respect for the folks Rowe features on his Discovery Channel show and wouldn't wish Heidi and Spencer as coworkers on them, we think the two-headed monster could really benefit from doing an honest day's work and getting paid an honest day's wage for it. Work like cleaning sewer lines and helping demolish houses condemned in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Not "work" like showing up at a club and getting $15,000 for it, because that is what’s wrong with America.
Take vows of silence, poverty, and chastity. We bet they'd be bad at it. But it would be nice if they'd just GO AWAY for a little while. Like a Good Friday fast from revolting camera hogs.
Any more suggestions for what Heidi and Spencer can do to make you not hate them anymore?
Via E! Online. Photo courtesy of Splash News.