The Curious Caper Of The Missing Sex Book

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library book
Em & Lo's Sex: How To Do Everything has caused a stir in Holt, Michigan.

Holt, Michigan is the home of the Holt-Delhi Library… a hotbed of iniquity and intrigue. Per Em & Lo, a best-selling book that they wrote, Sex: How To Do Everything, has caused quite a stir in the lower peninsula town.

As the story goes, a pastor who goes by the handle Brian Henley bumped into the book while walking around the library. The book was lying on the library floor and he, curious despite what happened to the cat, picked it up and had a looksie. In addition to words about sex, sex positions and sexual health, the book has explicit (and implicit) images of people, you know, doing it.

As a pastor, Brian Henley was not entirely pleased to find this book just lying around. He took the library to task for letting such a lapse occur. After the good preacher man summoned a little bit of to-whom-it-may-concern fire-and-brimstone, things got really interesting. Two of the library's copies of Sex: How To Do Everything (and they mean e-ver-y-thing) have gone missing and the third copy is far past due and accruing fines like a sailor accrues regrettable tattoos (and venereal diseases), slowly and over long periods of time. Be sure to check out Em & Lo for more on the mystery, but first: editorializing.

While Henley's explanation of where he found the book sounds specious, I'm almost always willing to give a man of the cloth the benefit of the doubt. My guess is that horny teens were somehow involved. Like Tyler Durden inserting sexually explicit cells into wholesome family films, teenagers in towns like Holt, Michigan sometimes like to shake up the status quo. And what about the missing and late books? Shy, horny teenagers. Sure, most shy, horny teens are wizards when it comes to finding free interweb porn but sometimes they have very net-savvy parents. All they have to do is slip Sex: How To Do Everything into a new jacket (heh) and it's the perfect crime.

In my conservative hometown, horny teens are responsible for 75% of the crime and 95% of the high jinks. It's probably the same in Holt, Michigan. Responsible adults don't do things like, I don't know, steal books from the library because they find the content of the book objectionable. I know that for a fact.