I was in a relationship for three years and was engaged for one of those years. I was faithful, because I chose to be faithful. However, I had always seen the co-worker mentioned above as my "dream." He was everything I wanted. For once...he was the man I wouldn't change anything about. I love his wit and sarcasm, I love his moodyness, I love his attitude, I love all of his personality defects, and I wouldn't change anything about him. In fact, I wouldn't make him taller even if I could. And the sex is mind-blowing (might I add). I never, ever, ever thought he'd be interested in me. So, I always shrugged him off when I thought he was flirting or hinting around. Then out of no where we started talking to one another constantly and we both revealed that we'd liked one another for quite sometime. In fact, it probably dates back to the day we met, but neither of us has the audacity to state that we'd been hardheaded that long...and he wasn't married at that time. He told me that all of the flirting and hint-dropping he'd done had gotten him no where and he was convinced that I wanted nothing to do with him...and all the while he never knew that he was to me - my knight in shining kevlar.
So, we hooked up and we continue to do so. We don't talk about his marriage...that's HIS business and I tell him all the time that there are two relationships, not one. He and his wife -and- he and I. We're not some jumbled love triangle. What he feels for me and I for him is between us, and the same for he and his wife. I do not pressure him or ask him what he's going to do. I broke off my engagement, and I'm single again. I date. I'm not stuck in "Mr. Big" syndrome or anything of that nature. Sure, I'd be in Heaven if he were to leave and be with me...but it's not what I expect. I never got into this thinking that the "other woman" would become his new "wife." It was simply an opportunity that I couldn't pass up because there might be, just might be something there. Well, sparks have flown and they continue to fly and he excites me (and pleases me) like no man ever has before. Yet, I don't sit and wonder whether or not he'll eventually leave. If he leaves, he leaves, if he comes to me...then he comes to me...There is no sense in isolating yourself or waiting for a married man...have fun while it lasts, because you never know how long it will last. In the meantime, date, go out, and have fun. I don't mention my dates to him, because he's jealous. He gets jealous when I'm talking to other co-workers, which I will admit is odd, considering the circumstance. Nonetheless, those relationships are separate as I mentioned...anyone else I am involved in does not join the circle of he and I. We remain separate and it's none of his business...just like whatever is going on with him and his wife...is their business, not mine. Sure, I may sound like a cold-hearted bitch...
However, life is a game...you either get busy playing or you die...the choice is yours. The more you play, the better your skills become.
Read the articles about affair proofing your marriage...and just remember that when you think your man won't cheat on you... There is a woman out there (like me) who'd love to have the chance to make him feel like a man again...and if given the opportunity - she will.
I'd also like to mention...don't just harp on his behavior, look at what you're doing, it can't be his fault all the time, and it can't be your fault all the time.
And my last bit of advice for this session...when it's over, it's over. Exes are exes for a reason, cut your ties and cut your loses, there is nothing less attractive than a poor girl who is waiting for the "love of her life" to return when she should be busy trying to love her life.