Paris To Marry Latest Boyfriend, Probably

Forgive us for our skepticism, but after two broken engagements we don't take every word from the 21st century's Zsa Zsa Gabor* as gospel (unless it's "That's hot." Then we believe her). But Paris Hilton says she and boyfriend Doug Reinhardt have made the mature, adult decision to enter into a binding legal contract. E! Online reports that the glorious nuptials may happen as soon as this summer.

Paris has previously been engaged to Good Charlotte's Benji Madden and the one we're really sorry got away, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis. On behalf of the headline writers of the world, Paris, please have mercy in this miserable recession and go back to Man-Paris. We miss him.

Reinhardt appeared on The Hills, probably chewing thoughtfully in Lo's general direction, and was linked to Amanda Bynes, who has spent time in the same room as Colin Firth and is therefore, we bet, too good for him.

Paris announced on Friday that Doug "is going to be my husband," and a "friend" (but not the BFF she found on TV, probably, since she dumped that poor, dignity-free leech) says the two are planning to tie the knot soon: "Maybe August, in the Bahamas." We can only wish these two the very best as they strenuously aspire not to bring the entire institution of heterosexual marriage to a fiery, tragic end.

*It's true. They both have mugshots. The Simple Life was totally just like Green Acres. And Zsa Zsa even has a blabbing manwhore of a consort, just like that revolting Rick Salomon character.

Via E! Online. Photo courtesy of Splash News.