Open Marriage or psychoanallysis?
The pains of opening up your relationship, and retaining your own inside of it. Thew why's of my personal experience.
I come from a very repressed background, dogmatic and orthodox. My DH used to joke that was what he was drawn to, my innocence and my repressed nature. Wanted to open me up.
8 years into it, and we now have an open marriage.
I like sex with my Mr., love the way he loves me. Am o.k. with him wanting adventure, but he is stellar, and I don't want for more. Am poly amorous by nature, this is well understood in my relationship, and I always seem to keep a strong love relationship with a woman, not so much sexual, just intimate, outside of and inside of my marriage. That has always been accepted by my Mr., amazingly accepted by him. I have always been open and honest about it, and it has always been accepted.
I think this has assisted in me feeling guilty.
He does not have a jealous bone, I do. I felt like I was getting more then him, and we both decided to open our relationship.
Thing is: I'm o.k. with it, and will continue to be o.k. with it, but it is just that. OK. No one compares to my Mr. and I find he is more excited about our open relationship then I am. I think it is fine, but my experience is that it is not as good with others, not as good as it is with him.
So I wonder, Why? For me? For him? for my guilt at having what I want?
I have more beautiful, open-minded, social women in my circle then most to be sure, and one would be an idiot not to want to tap that vein. I truly do understand the draw.
I see him doing plenty to keep in my good graces, and with my Girlfriends and friends, but what about me? the person you started this relationship with? The reason you even have these options?
I just struggle. I'm sure many of us do.
fact is, I know more in the about this lifestyle then him, yet he is more excited by it, naturally, and I just struggle to find that spot for us, and how to make this all work.
I think I want a girlfriend, and he wants more sex with other people, which is not my idea of a great time, I would prefer to date another person or couple, make dinner on Saturday and make love after.....
And just how terrible is that?
I feel like the one sharing most of myself, friends, and social life, when what I really want is some devoted energy to me....A date?
Thanks for listening, feedback welcome...
Discussion
It seems to me that this is a recurring issue for women and men - the woman wants polyamory to be about having more than one lover, the man is looking for sex partners.
I think polyamory is very difficult for most people. To me it wouldn't be worth the effort and the pain. So my advice would be to keep yourself open to the idea that you can decide you don't want to do it after all. But if you want to be polyamorous, you should probably talk to him about your mixed feelings.
I don't think it's strange that being with other people isn't as good as being with him. You love him and he is good to you. You shouldn't feel bad if you aren't really interested in others. That's just the way things are for you right now.
I would recommend that whatever else you do, you let your sweetie know you want him to spend time with you, go on a date with you, etc.
I had an open relationship and due to my jealousy it back-fired. You have to be a VERY secure person in order to do this and to make it work. My recnt ex-boyfriend broke it off with me because due to our open relationship which allowed him to explore his bisexual side, he liked it so much he realized he was GAY. Yes, he broke it off with me and wanted to remain friends because he realized he liked men more than women. be careful. There are a lot of good books out on the subject, check out Amazon and look up "open relationship." Good luck to you, let me know how it turns out!
