Dating expert Rachel Greenwald, author of "Why He Didn't Call You Back," discusses dating etiquette.
You found in your interviews that men like to pay for dinner on the fist date.
I did. Eighty-four percent of men said that want to and expect to pay for dinner. The tricky part is that they don't want women to expect it. So when the check comes, reach for your purse and make a gesture that you are wiling to pay. Most of the time they're going to tell you, "I got it." So just say, "Thank you very much. I really appreciate it." That's all they're looking for.
Is there anything you want to add that you think people should know?
I really want women to understand that the ability to get information about how you're perceived on a date is so empowering. Some women say they'd rather not know because it would hurt their feelings, but the reality is that information is power. Even if you're the most beautiful, popular girl, you need to know why somebody got the wrong impression of you so that when the right guy comes along you're in control of the message.
So it sounds like ultimately you want women to have other people conduct exit interviews for them.
Yes. You have two choices: either hire a professional dating coach or find one person who can call a few of your former dates and get that information for you. My book has an entire chapter on how to train them to conduct exit interviews for you. I also have a list of professional resources on my website that lists 4 or 5 dating coaches I've trained.
One last thing. Why do men call women back?
The overriding reason I found is going to sound almost boring. When a man is marriage-minded he's look for a truly nice person. When I first heard that I thought "Oh, that's a bad, it's code for boring." But the truth is, the things that made men think "this woman is a quality person who has long-term potential" were things that were nice.
An example is the guy who met his date at Starbucks and she accidentally spilled a little sugar and instead of presuming that the Starbucks employee would clean it, she did it herself. It's a totally, totally small thing, but he remembered it. We make instant judgments, and men's most positive memories had to do with someone being nice, kind, thoughtful and emphatic. But you can't say that you're those things. He'll extract that information from your gestures or comments.
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