He Gives Love A Bad Name

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man writing poetry
Advice for how to deal with a boyfriend turned tortured poet.

Love is a many-splendored thing. In fact, it's so splendored that people have been talking about it for millennia and still feel they have new and more poetic things to say about it. Sadly, this is rarely the case.

Dear Dr. Dude: So, I have a confession. My boyfriend wrote me a poem to express his feelings, and it was the worst thing I've ever read. Seriously, it was so bad that when I read it I almost laughed and puked at the same time. It sounded like a 3 year-old immigrant with ADD and dyslexia who was forced to write in English about things he liked. How do I show him that I appreciate the sentiment, without encouraging him to write anything else, ever, ever again?

- Gemma in Pittsburgh, PN

Dear Gemma: Yeah, that's a tricky situation you got there. The poor guy wants to make you his Juliet, but rather than climb down for a kiss, his serenade makes you want to punch him in the mouth to keep him from talking.

Okay, so he's no Shakespeare, but that doesn't mean he has to abandon it. The way I see it, you have two ways you can proceed from here: either encourage him to improve his poetic ways, and through intense verb training become a monster of lyrical capabilities, or discourage him by concentrating on other "talents."

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