Whose Behind The Screen
This post relates to on line chats that lead to romance and the complexity it can create or the possibility of meeting your real soul mate.
Let's just say I have a friend who decided to take an innocent stroll into the world of chat rooms that offer any topic of discussion from "Belief in Angels" to "Married but Looking." It's all there for the taking or I should say for the talking. Sign in, jump in a room, read the fast moving comments, and insert little sarcastic blurbs or get into it if you disagree. Seemingly innocent? Just havin fun right? Think again. Now remember I am referring to someone who isn't looking for anything but a great chat or just surfing rooms to see what everyone is talking about. On the other end of the spectrum, there are zillions who are seriously looking for the "right one" on line, but usually using notable dating sites and not necessary raw chat rooms, but.....some do.
Ok, now that I gave you a quick background I am sure you know where I am going with this. A married man and a married woman decide to log on one night, 3,000 miles from one another and somehow he pings the married woman's screen name and history starts to unfold. Maybe both lonely, maybe very unhappily married or just bored, the conversation starts. Pictures are traded, everything slowly is revealed to one another, phone numbers are exchanged, philiosophies of life, family histories, likes and dislikes..and bamm ...who is this person? Who is this mystery behind the screen that intrigues so much that sleep is impossible. You run to the computer each day..waiting for that person. Wait a minute! Two unavailable people talking romance, meeting and future. It happens folks, over and over again. Sometimes years go by and people stay married but keep the double life going with the person they BELIEVE they truly know. How do you know that person without daily face time, living in a routine together, working and raising a family together? Simple answer, you don't know. You cannot see their emotions or sadness, you cannot touch or hold them or comfort them when they are in pain.
We live in a world now that you don't have to face a person. You can delete them on a buddy list, you can break it off via a text message and you can write an e mail, then change it a million times before you hit send. What happened to sharing emotions, dealing with a real issue together and yes if you have to break up, facing that person and explaining what the heck happened. Personally I know the agony of connecting with someone I really felt close to but could never know because we were victims of the net, as he put it. Two different parts of the country, frustrated to make something work after tireless efforts to make it work at home. Yes I am "the friend" I began my post with, but nothing is truly lost when you meet someone who changed your life in some way. There is no coincidence and as much as you control your destiny, fate steps in every once in a while and throws a curve. It's all good. Live your life with enthusiasm and see what you attract into yours.
Discussion
But if you were in a "married but looking" chat room, you were looking for something. I don't think that is the kind of place you just "wander" into. You click on it knowing that you are going to find other people who are missing something in their relationship too. It's not quite random.
This reminds me of the talk about emotional infidelity that was going on in the wake of the brad/jennifer/angelina thing. How they said Brad and Angelina "just connected" and how that can be an emotional infidelity. I wonder what you think about that and whether you think emotional infidelity is 1) real 2) damaging or 3) was your friendship with this man the thing that made you realize that you didn't want to leave your husband?
Hey Lyz, just to clear up one thing, I wasn't in the married but looking chat room. I used that as an example of what chat rooms were available on the web. I was actually in Married, which in most cases you would think is only married people chatting about life etc.
Even though, as you mentioned you can break it off by simply deleting them from your buddy list, it isn't that easy. It sounds like, despite the lack of in-person time, you've developed quite an emotional attachment. I wonder how fair that is your respective spouses.
Well youre right, it's not that simple just like I wasn't expected to connect with someone who appeared out of nowhere. Bottom line, we both stayed married and realized it was a no win situation because any outcome in a divorce with children, jobs, family is not a good one unless everyone is amicable and ready for a change. I am grateful I have this man as a friend, and he feels the same. Being married shouldn't be a lock down to opposite sex friendships, but there has to be boundary you don't cross unless you both give up.
