The Smoking-Hot Reason To Avoid First-Date Sex

By YourTango

man woman in bed
Why not having sex on a first date improves your love life later on.

The key, though, is not only that you don't have sex on the first date (71% of you don't anyway); it's how you break the seemingly bad news.  For this maneuver to work, you can't yank on the reins after your bra and panties are already hanging off the headboard. It's vital that you announce it early, before you go anywhere near the bedroom. In fact, the absolute best time to tell him is the minute you've decided you want to fool around.

Understand that when you tell a guy that you're not going to have sex, he doesn't take it as a literal there's-no-chance you're getting in my pants; he takes it as a challenge, a chance to rob the gold from Fort Knox. From that point on, he'll not only want it, he'll want to get you to want it—and that will bring out the best lover he can be.


If the evening is still young, he takes your limit-setting as an exciting dare, not a disappointment. The longer you stick to your guns, the more effort, creativity and care you'll get out of him. Just as he might offer a massage to try to get your shirt off, he might offer a lot more to get the rest. In some cases, you'll make him a better lover than he knew he could be.

And it's not like you're missing out on much—at least for that night. Sex is great (or should be) but you'll make it there eventually if he's the right guy. But early in a relationship, everything's so new and butterfly-inducing (yes, for guys too), that even a little fooling around will still feel very exciting. And again, if the guy can't stand to wait a bit, you can help him find the door; he was probably going to be just as hasty when horizontal, and who wants that?

The challenge of course is willpower. I confess to getting a lot of pleasure out of convincing women to go back on their insistence that "there's NO way we're having sex tonight." Having done precisely what I'm describing above—bringing out my best in hopes of bringing out their wildest—I can't help but relish it if my date caves on her early commitment. But you know what? It made the actual act better for me—and the evening more fun overall. And for her? She got a few hours of me trying my hardest, and probably got better boot-knocking than she would have had we just sloshed back to my place and done it. Even if you find yourself saying yes after an evening of saying no, your time in bed (and the date as a whole) will benefit from whatever deferral you were able to muster.

The fact is: If you're compatible, you'll eventually make it to sex, but the longer you put it off (as long as nobody is getting too impatient), the better you'll be at all the non-sexual parts of loving—all the stuff that adds and enriches the sublime dance—and that will pay dividends down the line.