toilets in yards

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toilets in yards

As I happen to openly admit to my mess of contradictions, insecurities, and yes even pimples, and am regularly embarrassed for myself, I identified. It has taken an awful long time to get to a point where I can admit I'm not perfect...or rather, that I can admit it is OK to not be. For so long I tried, and of course failed, and as a result felt myself unlovable, not worthy, and a failure...I tried to present to the world a perfect facade, and of course it was just that, a facade...and now that the false exterior has been stripped away, the real me is here, out in the open, for all to see. It is terrifying...it is terrifying for a perfectionist to admit imperfection, to admit foibles, and insecurities, failures, and fears, to subject yourself to criticism without getting defensive or running away. I have almost shut down this blog, closed it, made it private so many times since going public, because the realization that people out there knew I was f*cked up made my skin crawl, and yet, I continue, because I know that if I have any chance at all of ever having a real connection with someone, I have to. If I want the Pea to be ok with putting her real self out there in the world to find her fellow "dorky snowflake," I have to show her the way...if I am scared to do it, she will be as well.

Well enough of that I suppose, there is sharing one's self and being honest and there is just TMI...at least my toilet isn't on my front lawn...talk about putting all your shit out there for everyone to see.

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