toilets in yards


toilets in yards

As I happen to openly admit to my mess of contradictions, insecurities, and yes even pimples, and am regularly embarrassed for myself, I identified. It has taken an awful long time to get to a point where I can admit I'm not perfect...or rather, that I can admit it is OK to not be. For so long I tried, and of course failed, and as a result felt myself unlovable, not worthy, and a failure...I tried to present to the world a perfect facade, and of course it was just that, a facade...and now that the false exterior has been stripped away, the real me is here, out in the open, for all to see. It is is terrifying for a perfectionist to admit imperfection, to admit foibles, and insecurities, failures, and fears, to subject yourself to criticism without getting defensive or running away. I have almost shut down this blog, closed it, made it private so many times since going public, because the realization that people out there knew I was f*cked up made my skin crawl, and yet, I continue, because I know that if I have any chance at all of ever having a real connection with someone, I have to. If I want the Pea to be ok with putting her real self out there in the world to find her fellow "dorky snowflake," I have to show her the way...if I am scared to do it, she will be as well.

Well enough of that I suppose, there is sharing one's self and being honest and there is just least my toilet isn't on my front about putting all your shit out there for everyone to see.


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