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Could You Move In With Your In-Laws?

Married couples are forced to move back home.

The dinner table is getting crowded again. Empty nesters who waved goodbye to their grown-up children are welcoming them back home again, this time with a spouse in tow.

Known as "boomerang children," the percentage of adults who move back in with their parents after living on their own is on the rise. In many cases, the circumstances revolve around a recent job loss, a sudden foreclosure or a financial crisis. For Rosecrans Baldwin and his wife, moving in with her parents was a quick solution to what they thought was only a temporary problem, otherwise known as unemployment.

"We thought of it as a temporary stay," he writes in a recent article for Salon.com, "a camping trip. Jobs in our area, as in many other parts of the country, have disappeared. What we'd originally envisioned as maybe a three-week visit is approaching a six-month occupation."

While the economy shows no signs of a quick turnaround, the rise in multigenerational households has increased from 5 million in 2000 to 6.2 million in 2008, according to the AARP. Included in that number are older people who move into their children's homes but also a slew of young folks flocking back to the nest. Baldwin and his wife represent thousands of couples forced to choose between their privacy and their bank account.

Setting up camp with the in-laws is tricky at best. Navigating your way around previously charted territory can lead to feelings of failure, embarrassment or worse, premature aging. (But the early bird special is both economical and delicious, you say?) Where there was once newlywed bliss, there are now shared bathrooms, dinnertime chores and sounds that get muted in the night. "When my wife and I close the door to the back den, my in-laws know not to come a-knocking," writes Baldwin.

The return to the nest can be confusing for parents as well who are also worrying about the fate of their retirement plan and housing situation. According to New York Life, "The return to the nest can become a financial burden that can derail the parents' plans and jeopardize their financial future, especially their retirement, as they try to do too much for their children." They recommend setting up house rules, negotiating an end date and insisting on some sort of financial responsibility such as rent, payment or household chores.

Can you relate?

Discussion

Arellanova Married
Posted April 27, 2009

We would have to both be out of work and sell all of our belongings to move back in with either family. My parents are drivers and motivators and we would not have a moments mental space. His parents would smother with care and attentoin to the point of folding underware.

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Lizabella Married happy, sweet, forgiving, reconciled
Posted March 29, 2009

My hubby, myself, and our son live with my M.I.L, and it's an almost perfect situation. I am very happy with it. Occasionally, she will say something that I think is completely ludicrous, but with the finished basement to ourselves, a dishwasher, a laundry room, access to her car, living on a dead-end road, and no rent to pay, and having a free live-in babysitter ... I'm am beyond grateful!!!

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Lyz Married Community Manager
Posted March 23, 2009

I lived with my future in-laws for three months while i planned our wedding. Actually, it was a great experience. I got to know my MIL and FIL so much better. My FIL died after we'd been married for a year and I view that time I had living with them as a wonderful experience and I feel like I know my husband so much better.

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