Better to argue than not

Better to argue than not

I wasn't unhappy, let me just say that first. I was in a good solid relationship with a beautiful woman. Lorie and I talked all the time but we tip-toed a lot. I didn't feel like I knew her sometimes. I did what I thought I was suppose to do with what little information I had to go on and I didn't get what I very specificly said I needed in return. Then I cheated. That's the beginning.

I found a woman that saw me the way I wanted to be seen and loved me like a fat kid loves cake. We had the kind of sex that should come out on DVD. We were friends. We were lovers. We got caught. That's the end.

I could have cheated at any time in our 4 year relationship but didn't. So my question to myself wasn't 'Why did I do it?" it was "Of all the chances I had what made this time different?".

The answer I come up with is context. Simply what was going on in my relationship at the time. We were very focus on our careers and our kids, even our house...but not each other. We talked but rarely communicated. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She was already doing so much, I didnt want her to feel like she wasn't enough for me and our talks really weren't producing any results. I didn't want to be needy or to stress her any further but I had needs too. They weren't being met and I was tired of feeling frustrated all the time. I needed more attention. I felt like anything I said would just make things worse, so I kept it to myself. Or I did, until an eRelationship turned into a torrid love affair with a co worker. She felt the same way at home. She empathised, she understood, she appreciated me and with her I felt strong. I can't really explain why. I didn't really do anything for her and yet I felt like she wanted me more than my own woman did. She expressed that appreciation with time and attention and yes, sex.

When Lorie and I didn't talk, we assumed that the other was ok. We stopped working on our relationship. We both misjudged how far things had gone.

Talking when your frustrated is hard...especially for guys. You feel like everything you say is going to come our wrong so your better off saying nothing. Now I know, it's better to just have the arguments. It's better that changing that image your wife or girlfriend has of you..forever.


Expert advice

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