An author blames IQ and overachievement for romantic failure. If only it were that simple.
By Melissa Noble — Written on Mar 06, 2009
Dr. Alex Benzer is a Harvard and Cambridge educated certified hypnotherapist who thinks "smart people" (his definition: the top 5% of the population) have a harder time dating than the rest of us dim guys. He even goes so far as to say: "the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you're going to have in your dating life."
(Oh, schadenfreude)
He thinks smarty pants people have spent more time on achievements than relationships, are bored by the common folk and so used to acquiring kudos for their "mental jewelry" that garnering sexual interest at a bar is a foreign, scary and often unsuccessful concept. He seems to think all "smart" people were too busy playing the violin and taking part in their school's Model UN to ever crush, date and gain romantic wisdom.
He automatically assumes if you can correctly finish a series of shapes, choose the right analogous word, and write a slammin' enough essay to gain entrance to Harvard you aren't as hot as your average IQ'd peers ("maybe you dress frumpy and don't pay a lot of attention to your appearance. Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman. Or your sexual aggression as a male," he says) and shoot yourself in the foot romantically because you "overthink" this whole dating thing.
You know, because you're "smart."
"When all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin" he crows. He's even written a few books about this titled, The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Embracing Your Inner Goddess & Finding the Fulfillment You Deserve and The Tao of Dating: The Thinking Man's Enlightened Guide to Success with Women.
Which is a shame because we think his argument is dubious at best.
While people who are generally all work and no play (top 5% of the intellectual population or not), will see the repercussions in their social life, Dr. Benzar seems stuck on this concept of high IQ and correlation with romantic happiness—as if a C average and hobbies that include reality TV and UsWeekly gifts one an all access pass to a finding a soul mate.
Dating is hard for everyone. "Smart" or not. People are fickle, complicated, neurotic and comprised of a shockingly wide array of baggage and issues. It surely is a ride for the senses (and we don't mean that in a good way, necessarily) when one accepts this whole dating challenge.
Oh, if only the good doctor could be a fly on the wall in a room with the other 95% trying to mate—how horrified he'd be. These geniuses he speaks of at least have their Ivy League diplomas and IQ scores to cuddle with at night.
We're the ones who got cheated.