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It Seems Easy Being A Hot Chick

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The guys at College Humor help illustrate why being a hot chick isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I'll be honest, I've always been fascinated how easily some things come to some people. There's an old Kids In The Hall sketch in which Dave Foley plays a doctor who's charm and looks allows him to grease his way through med school without much effort. While it's an example in extremis, it illustrates that there are some people out there whose looks and charm just makes things happen. I'll focus on hot chicks getting what they want because few guys, even gigolos like Jefferson D'Arcy, can get away with what the average hot chick can do in her sleep.

First, check out this vid from the fine lads at College Humor:

That was really funny. But would you really want that life? Let's go scene by scene.

The door: Yes, the hot chick was not required to wait in line (like a sucker). But doesn't the club (I do believe it was a night club) really benefit more from her being there? Per research, skimpy outfits and hot, young bodies in them make men more likely to spend money recklessly.

Hugging: It's a really nice way to say "hello." It's also an entre into frottage. Hot chicks have to deal with more barely-legal dry humping than any segment of the population.

The Jokes: Hot chicks are generally not that funny. Obviously, there are a huge number of exceptions but, for the most part, humor is developed as a substitute for traditional charm or looks. And poor hot chick will go through the rest of her life having people agree with her when they really don't mean it. 

The beers: At this point, it really doesn't make sense for hot chick to carry money. Someone will always be around to buy her next drink… in order to get her drunk enough to get to know the "real" him and possibly give an over-the-pants squeeze job.

The foreign millionaire: Hot chicks have to put up with more weird foreign millionaires and creepy politicians than any group of people (senatorial pages run a close second). Sure, they provide shine and BMWs and islands but in return you've gotta let their liver-spotty, old meat hooks roam where they may. Plus things aren't as easy these days for sugar daddies, what with the economy in the crapper and all.

The other woman: A hot chick is regularly the object of scorn of less hot chicks. This is generally because the male eye, mouth and genitalia often work on their accord when in the presences of a hot chick. The best solution for this jealousy is to handle it like a hot chick.

Fat, disgusting mess: So much of the hot chick's self-worth is tied up in her looks. She immediately notices and fluctuation in weight, complexion or hair-awesomeness. And although she knows how hot she is, this chick, almost everyone has some variety of body dysmorphic disorder these days. A lot of times, all the sunshine being pumped up your ass actually makes you more self-conscious.

I have a confession: The awkward admission of a lifelong crush is virtually unbearable. Watching someone go down in flames right in front of you, because of you, is never easy. It's like watching Michael Scott do anything, you want to look away (or turn off the TV) but you can't. All you can do is try not to laugh.

Yeah, a day in the life of a hot chick isn't so easy, is it? Sure, they get out of speeding tickets because the cop has a misguided fantasy that she may one day return the favor (wink wink). And she may get preferential treatment at work because she occasionally sits on the boss' lap at happy hours. And every now and again she may stand next to a guy at a casino and he just gives her a lot of money. But at what cost? Hot chicks seem to be a magnets for douchebags. She may never know what it's like to be a regular human being. Until her looks go that is, then she'll get a very quick dose of what the rest of us go through every day. Until then, we're all just going to dumbly try to do stuff for her so she'll let us she her naked.

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