Could More Porn Actually Make Us Healthier?
A woman who attended a porn trade show came away thinking we should watch more.
If we could accept porn for what it is, or at least what it can be—a fun and freeing way to express ourselves sexually—then maybe there wouldn't be the kind of sexual repression that plagues our country and rules some people's lives.
Countries where the law doesn't dictate the drinking age have fewer problems with alcohol than the U.S. In places where sex isn't the dirty word it is here, people don't have as many issues with sexuality. You'd think we might have learned something from Prohibition: the less there is of something the more people crave it.
I spent time at the event with an old colleague of mine, Dan Michalski of Pokerati.com. He lives in Vegas and spends lots of time in casinos—for work, of course. It was interesting taking all of this in and talking about it with a guy, especially a guy who's around the glittery life all the time. And you know what? He felt the same way I did. And when a man and a woman agree on something like porn, I can't help but figure we must be on to something.
I came home from the AVN AEE feeling strong and smart and sexy. I felt like I was in the know. Like, what's the big deal, it's sex. It's fun and healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. Once you've seen enough scantily clad porn stars giggling and talking sports with fans, and sex toys that do everything short of cleaning your house, it's hard to be too pent up about anything. Especially something I see no reason to be pent up about in the first place.
Side Note: Porn, like a number of other businesses, can and does have a seedy side. In no way support the exploitation of women—or men for that matter. The business of pornography is just that—a business. As such, it should be conducted by adults, with adults, and for adults with fairness, honesty, and full consent.
Discussion
My wife and I have a communal stash, though I am the main user and purchaser. She's not as interested in it but occasionally watches, either with me or alone. We both prefer porn with a story line and some character development: it's a lot easier to lust after characters with personalities than after bodies just screwing on screen.
I had a Porn stash on my Computer, and my Bf on his once and sadly only once have we watched together, we had or at least I had a great time. He however continually hides his extra-curricular activities from me, and takes offense if I go into his stash, or view his web histories, so I can get an idea of what he is into, since he will not openly tell me. Also, he used to stay up nights while I was asleep, he'd watch alone and take memory sticks to transfer my stash to his computer he got caught and lied saying he was cleaning up some of my files so my computer would run smoother. Nice try hun. I told him this bothered me at great lengths...but nothing changes, He likes it his way he does his thing I do mine. I however loathe routines, and non-communication, I do however love openess and progression spontenaity and fun. I don't know really what the next step is for us. I doubt he will go to counseling with me. We do care for each other very much just certain things aren't shared and it steals away from what should be intimate connection btw us. It may take drastic steps for things to improve or just end.
I think he should be able to have privacy if that's what he wants. For some reason he doesn't feel comfortable sharing his fantasies. Maybe he doesn't want to act them out. If you want him to open up to you, don't push him. Give him his privacy and let him tell you what he wants to about his porn.
Everyone is different as is every couple. The truth is nearly every male, up in the high 90th percentile, like porn. Many women are unaware or as in my case, come across it by accident. Finding it turned my world upside down and inside out, but it also made me confront deeper issues that had nothing to do with porn. Porn was a catalyst for an amazing inner journey that opened me up in all ways, including the world of porn.
I now enjoy porn alone and with my partner. It in no way negatively affects how we view or desire each other. If anything it makes us want each other more.
That's not to say that addiction which leads to neglect of a partner or aspects of daily living is not a very real thing, but as I said,everyone is different.
I have written extensively on my porn journey and inner exploration if you are interested.
tinque.blogspot.com
Bravo for raising the point that our sexual health is in part determined by our attitudes and willingness to be open to change. There's clearly a difference between a little porn and an addiction, so if it's right for you and yours, bring it on.
i'm all for porn and healthy sexual experimentation, but to claim that deviance and addiction go away as soon as a socially questionable thing becomes readily available is to forget the opium wars, and many other destructive historical events.
Bravo! Beautifully written. My husband and I have a his, hers, and ours stash of movies and toys. It has more to do with preference of type of porn than who's movies are who's. I completely agree with everything you have said. So glad you had this wonderful experience that was such a positive awakening!
My ex-husband and I got into a little fight after he found out I'd been secretly sneaking into his porn stash and watching the videos. It was as if I was invading his fantasies. But after he learned to share, it only made things between us steamier.
I think you are on to something. The less we make sex this taboo and titillating thing, the more it has power over us. I just think that we need to remember that in a truly free society with open and liberal attitudes we need to have the ability to be freed from sex too. To ignore it and have it be a matter of indifference to us. As much as we engage with it and its images.
