Was Rihanna Pregnant When Chris Brown Beat Her?

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Rihanna
Star magazine's latest cover poses a far-fetched question.

Our dream of how it unfolded…

INT. STAR MAGAZINE EDITORIAL CONFERENCE ROOM - LATE MORNING

SENIOR EDITOR
We've run out of new things to say about Rihanna and Chris Brown, but we can't stop writing about them now. They're too hot! So what do you say team, are there any unsubstantiated rumors you've heard about or are willing to imagine that you've heard about for this week's issue?

EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
I've got it! I've got it! How about: "Rihanna Is An Alien, Chris Brown Spending A Lot of Time With Tom Cruise."

SENIOR EDITOR
Already been done. In fact, it might have been done by us.

ASSISTANT EDITOR
How about: "Rihanna Sex Tapes: The Real Reason Behind Chris Brown's Fury."

SENIOR EDITOR
Not bad, but I think the market might be oversaturated with sex tapes for the time being. Didn't one of those High School Musical kids just release another one?

ASSOCIATE EDITOR
Celebrity babies are hot. How about: "Rihanna Pregnant With Chris Brown's Love Child."

SENIOR EDITOR
Ooh…now that's what I'm talking about.

ASSISTANT EDITOR
Sure, it's juicy. But we're going to need a sexier title.

EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
How's about: "Was Rihanna Pregnant? The Secret She Hid From Chris."

SENIOR EDITOR
Bingo! Of course, we're going to want something in there about Rihanna confiding in close friends about the secret baby, the name of an ob-gyn clinic that's popular with celebrities, and maybe some eyewitnesses.

ASSOCIATE EDITOR
That goes without saying.

SENIOR EDITOR
Well, then. It looks like that's taken care of. Good work, team. Now onto our next order of business: The twice-weekly Jolie/Aniston brainstorming meeting. What are the latest angles on how Angie is making Jen feel like an empty shell of a woman? Anyone? Anyone?

Photo: Splash News