Bristol Palin's New Take On Sex-Ed

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abstinence-only sexual education
Leave it to a teen mother to let us know that abstinence-only sexual education won't work.

Do you remember when that woman from Alaska ran for backup president? And liberals were really nervous about her convictions on things like reproductive rights and what I call "abstinence-only sexual education" in places that I call "public schools?"* And now said woman's teenage mother of a daughter isn't so sure that it's the right call (per Jossip).

Before I get too far into this, can we just all agree that the best way to prevent sexually transmitted disease, pregnancy and some amount of teen hysteria is to remain celibate? There is at least one recorded case of a woman getting pregnant without sexing and a girl you went to college with claimed to have gotten crabs from a toilet seat (still sounds suspect), but let's say those are examples in extremis, aight? And secondly, by now all kids know that the old in-and-out can cause pregnancy.

But the chances of kids not getting all antsy in their pantsies when those hormones kicking in is as likely as a Bill O'Reilly and John Stewart summering in Fire Island together. By most measures, the "abstinence-only" approach doesn't dissuade kids from doing it. It's said that the teen pregnancy rate (though historically low) is experiencing an uptick (especially amongst teens identifying themselves as lesbians, this chapter of the discussion ends now). So, a little more education is in order.

I was the product of a pretty standard, liberal sex-ed regime in school (the hot younger teachers were generally not around, weird). We learned that it's a good idea to employ condoms. So far, so good. Then we learned that hairy palms and hysterical blindness are not consequences of self-abuse (life is good!). But it wasn't all good. The same educator who told us with a straight face that smoking pot could lead to permanent sterility (just the stems and seeds, teach) was now in charge of letting us know what to expect from our developing bodies. The key to making any sex-ed successful is making sure that the little shavers get the whole message. And not just the bits about genital warts and unintended pregnancies, but some of the good stuff too. Like Oxytocin, the inability of your girlf's hand to get pregnant and why-you-feel-like-no-one-has-ever-felt-this-way-about-another-person-in-the-history-of-time-and-that-no-one-understands-what-the-two-of-you-have.