Finally Happy

By YourTango

I got married at a young age...I got married almost right after high school...I met my husband almost 2 months after I graduated...we moved in together and we were so happy together...we didn't have anything and we were happy just to have each other...we had our first child almost 9 months after we moved in together...and about 10 months later I got pregnant with our second child...then some of our problems started...he started getting very jealous...so jealous that he even accused me of sleeping with his brother...If I talked to a guy...so much as said hi to a guy I got accused of sleeping with that guy..I had our second child...and that is when one of our main problems started...we got on prescription pain medication...and I was unhappy with my home, my marriage and just my whole life all together...my life wasn't the way that I had planned it...by that time in our life together we were living in a trailer park in a shitty apartment...it wasn't decent enough for a dog to live in much less my children...I was so happy when we brought our second child home and when I opened my eyes and came back to reality I became depressed and tried to use the prescription pain medication to block out reality and after a while I began using prescription anxiety medication...and the more I used the precription medications the more I lost touch with reality and our fights became more and more...and the more and more I would put on a happy face to hide my feelings...to hide my pain...I put on a happy face for everyone...friends and family...I made it look like we had the perfect relationship...a perfect marriage...like we had the perfect little family...then he started going to jail...and each time he got out of jail I would slap a happy little smile on my face and pretend like nothing was wrong...the more he went to jail the more I got accused...and each time that we would fight he would always threaten to leave...I would beg him not to leave...would cry, beg and plead...and he would always pass out eventually and never did leave...I would pray for him to pass out so I would not have to deal with him...I dreaded having sex with him and it got to the point when I would just give in and think to myself if I just go on and do it he will get off and leave me alone...he went to jail and I told him that all he had was one more last chance and that was it...he got released and he lasted about 5 months before he went back to jail...and after a couple weeks of him not being around I was happy...happy that I did not have to deal with him...and decided that I did not want to live my life like that anymore...I didn't want to put on a happy face when I really wasn't...I had done that for 2 years...and I decided that I was not going to do it anymore for anyone...I started talking to a friend and finally made the choice to file for my divorce...I went and filed for my divorce and I know that it sounds mean but I was excited...I felt relieved like a whole weight had been lifted off of my shoulders...when he got released from jail I moved out of our place that we were living and have since then gotten a job and am so happy for the first time in a little over two years...now all I look forward to is getting my divorce final and going from my married name to my maiden name...I am giving him back the only thing that he has given me in our life together (other than my 2 beautiful children) HIS last name...I can't wait for the moment that the judge says that our marriage is terminated and I can move on with my life. 

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