Does the sight of roses make you wish you were a cutter? (Those thorns have to be good for something.) Do you wish cupid would aim his arrow directly at his brain? Do you wistfully wonder why chocolate isn't as poisonous to humans as it is to dogs? We get it: you hate Valentine's Day. But we don't hate you, dear cynic, so we've compiled a list that should warm your black, black heart.

Lemondrop recommends garlic-heavy recipes and, if you must send a gift, black silk roses delivered in a coffin-shaped case.

Nerve advises you to schedule a double "why me?" session with your shrink, join a cult or watch Gossip Girl and use Chuck Bass's pickup lines.

DearSugar asks readers to list their Valentine's Day disasters. Here's one tale of woe:

i lost my virginity on valentine's day.
to my ex boyfriend two weeks after we broke up
in a closet
after about 30 seconds of sex, he said, "this was a mistake", got dressed, and left.

For those bitter-singletons who deep down wish they were coupled up, Psychology Today debunks the idea that getting married makes you live longer.

People aren't buying flowers this year, due to the recession. Meaning all the flowers are dying before anyone can receive them. That should make you happy.

If you haven't read it already, our Dating Detox story describes how one woman broke her habit of dating losers—by taking a three-year break from men.

And finally, here are the five worst Valentine's Day gifts. Since you're not celebrating you don't have to worry about getting one.

Now go drink some vinegar and bang your head against a wall, aggrieved friend. It'll make you feel better.