We once thought we would welcome with French kisses and heavy petting any story line in the Aniston gossip universe that didn't involve Angelina, Brad, their 45 kids, UNICEF, and how they're all seemingly intent on flaunting their altruistic and reproductive happiness in Jen's sad, lonely face (and uterus) whenever possible.
Now we long for those days. Oh, how we do.
Because, frankly, we've had it with this whole John Mayer story line. Are they together? Are they not together? Is she over him? Is she underneath him? Does he dig some random blonde? Or does he (apologies in advance for the nightmares) put "Your Body is a Wonderland" on the turntable whenever she pays his couch a friendly visit?
As it so happens, that last scenario may not be completely out of the question.
NBC is reporting that John was in attendance at Jen's 40th birthday bash over the weekend, and that the two danced and "huddled close" all evening. What's more, John's gifts to Jen supposedly included a lot more than just slow dances and football formations. According to Hello Magazine, he penned her a very special birthday love song that may or may not have included the words "Will you marry me?" in the lyrics.
Obviously, this is completely implausible. Not because John Mayor has no balls or because we are certain that Jen could do a thousand times better than him. But because, logically speaking, if anyone was ever to do something as wildly romantic as propose to Jennifer Aniston in a song, Angelina Jolie would magically materialize out of nowhere with Brad and the kids in tow, give birth to another set of twins on the spot, and then announce to the room that she was and always will be the happiest and most fulfilled woman on the planet.
Happy birthday, Jen. Regardless of what may or may not be happening with John, we hope you get everything you want this year.
Photo: Splash News