Top 5 Things To Trade For Shopaholic

By Tom Miller posted Feb 10th 2009 5:56PM

If he's going to see the new Isla Fisher movie, you may need to trade something.

As you may know the big bosses in Hollyweird always anoint some film "THE VALENTINE'S DAY MOVIE." There's a captive audience of single women who need something to do that day and couples who can use a nice little rom-com. Last year it was Definitely, Maybe and it was surprisingly good. This year the crown belongs to Confessions Of A Shopaholic (with all due respect to the decidedly non-rom-coms Friday The 13th and The International). It could be good, but this guy is skeptical.

First of all, I was surprised that He's Just Not That Into You didn't get the nod but I suppose Isla Fisher's performance in Definitely, Maybe made her a V-Day go-to. Even on the off chance that Isla Fisher can come through again with a movie that men don't hate, I think a bit of barter may be in order to get any guy to see this one.

5) Clearly, you're a movie-going couple. After seeing Confessions Of A Shopaholic, you should maybe suggest another film. Paul Blart: Mall Cop is still in theaters. Yeah, he might not want to see that either. Liam Neeson's Taken looks just violent enough to off-set the pablum of Shopaholic. Maybe Push is more your speed; you can pretend to be into he action while you're checking out Chris Evans. I once traded a night at the opera for the gorefest Pathfinder. So, I kind of lost twice.

4) After seeing Confessions Of A Shopaholic, a restful night may be in order. A date night or two that include fatty foods and good beer (his definition of good beer, in this case) may get you back to even-steven (especially if you don't have to leave home).

3) Sports are to men what rom-coms are to women. That is, some dudes really enjoy the movie genre and some ladies dig los deportes but by-and-large there are built-in gender preferences. Trade a night of Isla Fisher for an afternoon of Derek Jeter. Is it fair that college and pro sports last a minimum of 3 hours and end up being far pricier than rom-coms? No, I suppose it's not.

2) It rhymes with shmoral shmex. Unreciprocated shmoral shmex. And lots of it. This movie lasts an hour and fifty-two minutes. Be a buddy, be a pal. It's possible to accidently become gay in that time, sorry that's science.*

1) Nothing. Isn't it a little on the petty side to get so worked up about a 2-hour movie? Just talking about how much she "owes you for this" ought to cover any pain and suffering. Isn't keeping score a little JV? Shouldn't you just do nice things and rest easy that all good deeds are rewarded tenfold? Not buying it are you? OK, uh, $240 worth of pudding should square the deal.