Joker,
From what I'm seeing, okay, sure, you didn't lie...but you didn't exactly make your "longtime relationship" girl feel to secure by not taking your stand. Putting it on her is a cop out. Phone numbers can be blocked. If you really had the desire to make your "longtime relationship" feel secure then you would have put an end to your sweetheart's calling. And if your "sweetheart" just really couldn't get it through her head then why keep answering the phone? People get hints. If they don't then other people can also get restraining orders. It looks more like the fact of the matter is that you didn't want to sever ties with your "sweetheart" because you weren't over it. "Longtime relationship" had every right to be upset. If my SO really can't end things with her ex of long ago without my intervention and gave me the lame excuse that she was very stern in telling him not to call anymore then I would have definite doubts about her and would eventually end the relationship. If she is with me then she is with me. If I need to intervene because she doesn't have the spinal density to do it herself then she isn't the right woman for me. There are lies that are far worse than white lies...they are the lies that we tell to ourselves.
Joker,
From what I'm seeing, okay, sure, you didn't lie...but you didn't exactly make your "longtime relationship" girl feel to secure by not taking your stand. Putting it on her is a cop out. Phone numbers can be blocked. If you really had the desire to make your "longtime relationship" feel secure then you would have put an end to your sweetheart's calling. And if your "sweetheart" just really couldn't get it through her head then why keep answering the phone? People get hints. If they don't then other people can also get restraining orders. It looks more like the fact of the matter is that you didn't want to sever ties with your "sweetheart" because you weren't over it. "Longtime relationship" had every right to be upset. If my SO really can't end things with her ex of long ago without my intervention and gave me the lame excuse that she was very stern in telling him not to call anymore then I would have definite doubts about her and would eventually end the relationship. If she is with me then she is with me. If I need to intervene because she doesn't have the spinal density to do it herself then she isn't the right woman for me. There are lies that are far worse than white lies...they are the lies that we tell to ourselves.
I agree Monica! The truth may hurt at first,but it's alot harder to accept ,when your lied to & you don't know about it for some time after the fact!
I'd like to tell alil story about my life-- Married at 20 yrs old,(I'm 51 now) 2 kids-NEVER strayed! We stayed together for 5 years-thru thick & thin-- she left & I went out into the world, empty inside-I went for 10 years w/o a serious realtionship. Then I met a lady & we stayed together for 14 yrs- I was faithfull to her & I feel as if she was to me also.
Back to the years 'inbetween'--I was contacted by my highschool sweetheart,who was married at the
time-we would see eachother (just for sex) 4 or 5 times a year. The only time she'd call ,was when she'd been drinking. Not to put all the blam on her,cause I was glad to see her too! We enjoyed eachothers company & the sex was GREAT.
Anywho--- When I was with my 14 yr lady- my 'sweetheart' would call me & I'd either not answer & on more than one occasion,ask her not to call. But she'd still call ,wanting to see me.
My sweetheart was married for 30 years & her man passed from a brain tumor about 5 years ago. She only called once after he passed.I didn't answer!
About 6 months ago,my 14year relationship died because" I didn't make my sweetheart stop calling & she thought that I was talking to her & maby seeing her-which I was not-- but she left anyways.
The day after my 14 year relationship died- my sweethearts sister-in-law told me that she'd (my sweetheart)got to drinking really bad & was seeing a married man from her work. She (sister-in-law)ask me to call her (sweetheart)& see if I could get her to go out with me. So I did & we started seeing eachother.
I'd ask sweetheart if she was seeing anyone(altho, I already knew she had been),cause I didn't want to be 'the other guy' AGAIN.
She told me that she had broke it off with him, the next day after I'd called her. That she'd been 'talking' to this married man for a year ,but had only had oral sex with him once& hadn't had intercorse at all with him,the weekend before I'd called.
She's since admitted to some of her past actions,but only after 2 months into 'us' & wants me to trust her when she tells me that she hasn't had intercorse with anyone since her man passed, only oral sex.
Can I really trust whats she's telling me?
I love this woman with all my heart & it really doesn't matter to me about what she's done in the past- but what really bothers me , is the fact that she's lied once,that I know of (to me) & I know she's lied to her past husband when she was seeing me.
I keep telling her that the truth IS going to come out,sooner or later & the sooner the truth is out, the better off WE will both be.
Now I understand that she's not proud of some of the things that she'd done in her past, as I'm not really proud of some things I did in those 'inbetween' years.
I've fessed up & admitted to all my affairs, rite from the start & it hurts like hell to know that she started this with me ,on a lie. We'd be alot closer now if I could beleive that she's being honest with me now--or is she 'playing' me while still seeing this co-worker?!
Who knows- but back to the topic---No lie is a good lie,not even a white lie.
Wow Joker that is quite the story. but the fact that she kept calling you during your 14 year relationship is a bigger warning flag than the lies. She sounds a little crazy. And the fact that she kept calling you when you asked her to stop doesn't seem very respectful at all. But to be honest, you both have a history of lies in your past...how can she trust you?
Lyz
I guess I used the word 'affair' instead of "one-nite-stands" 'cause the latter sounds so de-grading to the other person. You are so wrong about ME lieing to either my x-wife or the lady of 14 yrs.
Altho-some of my lady friends say that I SHOULD have made it very clear to my 'sweetheart' that I was in a relationship & that I was somehow cheating on my longtime relationship by not taking a more forcefull stand about the calls. My lady who left,was with me EVERY time the sweetheart called & heard every word that I said to her & did nonething about it but be pissed at me!.
My thoughts on this was : If my woman was REALLY "MY WOMAN" & wanted to continue to be MY WOMAN-maby she should have spoke up & answered the freeking phone & told my 'sweetheart' to back off or else. I know that if some man from her past would have called her-I'd been the 1st to let the guy know that that wasn't gonna fly & to back off or else I'd take matters into my world & do what any man worth his salt would have done.
I didn't lie to anyone , at anytime - I feel as if I were put in the middle ,left to fend for myself [even when I thought I had a life partner to stand BESIDE me & in FRONT of me -if need be, to keep what 'we' had. ]
anywho - lieing ,even a lil lie is just wrong - I know I don't want to be the one thats being lied to!!! & have enought respect for my 'better half" not to lie to her,either.
