Signs He's Just Not That Into You
Readers offered love advice on how to know he's not that into you.
Recent research shows that it's easier to tell when a man digs a woman than vice versa, at least when it comes to flirting. After the initial attraction, however, knowing whether or not he's really into you—in other words, "the one" or even "a keeper"—well, that's the million dollar conundrum.
When He's Just Not That Into You, Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt's book about identifying dead-end relationships, debuted in 2006 it empowered confused women everywhere to move out and move on (well, at least it happened that way on Oprah). This "you go, girl" attitude arrived to the big screen Friday, February 6. The movie version has a celeb-studded cast including Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Justin Long (the Mac guy and Drew's ex) and Scarlett Johansson.
ScarJo—following in the footsteps of actor/singers Will Smith, Britney Spears and Barbra Streisand—also recorded a song for the film. While the single didn't ultimately make the cut into the film, it's on the soundtrack. The soundtrack also features songs from Maroon 5, R.E.M., The Talking Heads, Corinne Bailey Rae, The Cure, Human League, Wilco and more. You can take a sample listen to some of the songs on the He's Just Not That Into You website.
Two lucky YourTango users offered outstanding advice for how to know when a man is just not that into you. They will receive a gift package from Warner Bros. Entertainment that includes:
- The He's Just Not That Into soundtrack (which hits stores February 3)
- The Limited Edition gift set of The Notebook (the classic romantic comedy starring Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling)
- The Warner Bros Romance Classics Collection (four timeless romantic films)
Wonder what it's like to be single and dating in France? China? Watch He's Just Not That Into You author Liz Tuccillo's How To Be Single video series, which explores dating customs and relationship attitudes around the world.
Read our user advice in the comments below.
Discussion
So my bf goes to college in another state... Im having problems with the fact that I never know if were a couple or not...he keeps sayin that we're together. He's asked me if I was exclusive with him, has asked me if i was his baby, ect, well we've been dating for 3 months now and lets just say he likes to spend more time texting me then talking to me and he says its because he doesnt get good signal in his dorm room. And I tried callin him once he really doesnt. Well I saved up money to go and visit him. Lets just say 2 days and we spent all day in a hotel, him watching some spiritual thing on youtube. Anytime i get upset with him and tr talkin he sas that its college life, or that he's been mad busy but that things will get better. If someone could suggest/give some advice....
In my last year of university, and since September there was this one guy who couldn't stop gawking at me. At first, I'd feel as if someone was looking, to notice this guy, staring. Finally a month later, me being an idiot woman assumed he liked me. And started having feelings for him-
Added him to facebook, as the safest attempt to keep communication- only for him NOT to reply to a message. Did he reply? No.
BUT? He continues to stare...
Lesson of the story: He's just not that into you if he won't talk to you!
hi wonderingwht! i cant agree with you more!
same thing happened to me, we works in the same floor in the buidling, he stared like everytime whenever he walks by.
ok at first i felt uncomfortable, but then after couples of month, i started to feel that i mite have a crush on him, and one day i just went to talk to him and ask his name and stuffs, he gave me his number and asked for my number, then we texted ever since, for days before going out for drinks, things seems good and he said he likes me but hes not texting much recently...
well i know hes very busy at his work but still, he used to text me all the time!
If he cancels last minute for a date, MOST of the time it is because he is just not that into you. Sometimes real emergencies occur. But more times than not, take it as a big red flag -its an ego blow. Then reconsider dating that person.
If a guy isn't tripping over himself to be with you, then most likely he is not that into you and perhaps is just using you as a stopover til his "Angelina" comes around.
Stop putting the blinders on. The truth is usually in your face the whole time. You're instincts are usually on the target. Its not that big a deal. You can and will find someone whom you really dig and who digs you alot too if you trust your feelings and intuitions and stop being a drippy doormat for some dude who could give a rip about you.
When your man stops calling you after you have been dating for a few weeks. When you call him, you two talk for a few minutes then he tells you he will call you back, but he never does. He's probably just not that into you.
I completely agree, because if a man is calling you when you first get together and then he stops then he's just not that into you. I experienced that, but it wasn't a tear shed, it was just another experience gained.
It's even worse when the guy finally gets what he wants then ignores your messages after the "big date"...And you finally do your research online to get real information, turns out he's been lying all along. Well-- thats enough to make any girl truly devastated.
If a guy doesn't pay attention to you when you're talking and he shows no interests in the things that you like, he's really just not into you. Guys that are in love will show affection no matter what and if you are not getting any from your guy, then it's obvious there is no future there.
Its pretty clear if he has wandering eyes while you're in a conversation, or if he cuts you off to say something that has nothing to do with what you were talking about.
I don't think he is that into you when he is not willing cancel his plans with the guys to have dinner with you after you have had a very rough day at work and need someone to talk to. Having really bad days do not happen that often and I don't feel it would hurt for "him" to cancel his plans for once just to hang out and let you vent alittle.
I love reading some of these comments. Some of you girls just don't get it. MEN ARE SIMPLE!!!
We're not going to cancel a night out with the guys just to sit and hear you vent (read 'bitch' by most men, me included) about your bad day at work. Call your girlfriend.
Now if you got hurt at work, that's a different story. But to vent about a bad day, seriously? I mean where's it going to stop?
Plus, how's any self respecting guy gonna be able to face his buddies after bailing on guys night 'cause his girlfriend had a bad day at work? Seriously?
if he asks you to drive him home for a funeral, but doesn't want you to attend.
He's not into you if he suggests a threesome less than a year into your relationship and he's having trouble 'performing' just for YOU!
1. Doesn't answer cell phone, house phone, yahoo messenger, myspace, AIM, ICQ, or MSN
2. Says " I think we should have an open relationship"
3. Doesn't say I love you after sex
4. Acts possessive and domineering
5. Accuses you of cheating when you know you are not doing it
6. Turns down a date and you find out he was at the club when he told you no and you guys were supposed to be there with him.
7. he finds out you have kids
8. is unhappy abut your weight and bases the whole togetherness on that aspect
9. forgets your birthday
9. doesnt want to meeet your parents or anyone in your family
I am in a relationship that has lasted almost a year. Recently-around Christmas time-I found out he was talking online to other women. I broke up with him and he was suposidly devistated. I didn't talk to him for a week-phone, e-mail, nothing. Well I forgave him and we got back together and things were wonderful.....for about a month. Now things are starting to slide again. I don't know what to think, we are not kids. We are both in our early 40's. He is twice divorced and I am a widow. I am almost to the point I would rather be alone than ride this rollercoaster. He says he loves me but also that he is use to living alone. I am about to cut him loose and let him be alone.
Give it up. A leopard doesn't change his spots. I lived with someone for one year and he became less and less interested in me. He, too, had been caught by going on a dating site. He said he wouldn't do it again and to my knowledge, he didn't, but he grew less interested in me and soon we were like roommates. I asked him to leave on June 30th and although I miss many things about him, I remind myself that he wasn't fulfilling any of my needs and that confirms that asking him to leave was a smart move. Do yourself a favor. You deserve better and that kind of love isn't love at all. I've been around a few times. I'm 67 and he was 50 and he thought I was desperate. I AM better off alone and still attractive enough to find someone else (IF I WANT TO) and not sure that I want the agravation of playing guessing games all the time. I value myself too much for that. Don't let your lonliness pull you into a painful, going nowhere relationship. Good luck.
I'm in almost the same situation, I just don't know if I can do it anymore! He treats me like s**t and I still love him! It's so sick.
That right there is not ok. I have something like that except mine is more complicated. I was dating this guy who was married,has 2 kids and is expecting a third child! Now I didn't know that until one night I call his cell phone and a woman picks up...... now I was hoping that you know maybe it's his sister cuz he told me that he still lived in his wife's house but they weren't together (he sleeps on the couch.... supposably.) and cuz I saw his sister drop him off at my building that day. So, I didn't hang-up cuz that's rude but I did ask her if he was there and she said yes but she kept on asking who was I, so I had to cut it short and hang-up cuz we were going nowhere with her asking me the same question. The first time she asked me who was I, I told her my name, I knew that's not what she wanted but I didn't care cuz at this point I'm heated, I'm so mad. After I hang-up the phone she calls me back and starts the same thing over again and then things really got interesting! So while I'm mad I'm talking to her, then the talking turns into arguing over the phone. So I hang-up again and this time she doesn't call me again. So I go to bed and the next day the guy I'm with, comes to my house and I tell him what happened and he acts like he's shocked. Now isn't that something stupid to do when you know that I'm already like 5 steps ahead of what your thinking. So I act like nothing happened and we went on with our day. But a couple of days later his wife calls my phone. How does she call my phone when I called him off someone elses phone? She told me that she got it off his phone. So I'm still mad and hang-up the phone. But now it's getting to the point where she's not gonna give up, so I have to improvise. I set up a little meeting with his wife and him and me in my building! He knows that this is coming and he starts to get nervous. She calls my phone, I go to the door of my building and he goes to her like nothing. He passes me like nothing! But I'm not that stupid, I knew she wasn't going to play fair so I didn't go to the car like she wanted me to. When I seen her she had someone else in the car with her. After that things calm down, but like two days later his wife calls me again and then I told her that if she lost her husband that, that was not my problem and I hung-up. Things are still going on between them cuz I know that if he dated me will being married he's not gonna have a problem doing it again.
OK....let's try and sum up all of the annoying, yet obvious clues that he's just not into you!
He takes you out and then it takes a week for him to call you...if he calls you at all!
He doesn't want to prolong the date by coming back to your place, going back to his, grabbing a nitecap, etc.
He only communicates with you via text messages and emails.
He only wants to hang out with you when it involves a car in a dark parking lot.
He tells you that you remind him of his "fill in the blank" with mother, sister, best friend, etc.
He doesn't introduce you to his "fill in the blank" with family, friends, co-workers, dog!
Here's a couple clues that I have personally experienced:
He goes away to Ireland for two weeks and doesn't call you the whole time.
He only wants to hang out with you when it involves a car in a dark parking lot.
And one that many girls have been oblivious to at one time or another, including myself:
He likes shopping with you more than sleeping with you!!!
(Hello...next he will be trying on your Jimmy Choo's)
He is rich in looks and assets and thinks can afford as many women as he can! Thus takes you for granted!
In a relationship of two, he thinks he is God and 'I am all in all' and wants everything HIS way. You are like non-existent except when its time to c*m! He treats you like a slave and wants every woman around to worship him! And every time he swings in his own self praise, self love and self respect!
While out dancing, I met an older man who gave me his card.He is in a white collar profession. I thanked him for being my dance partner and for the next month and a half he emailed me suggestive messages; yet claiming he is older, mature etc. I didn't know his address; nor his phone number while he had my contact information and thought that was strange. We met at the club for more dancing, movies, comedy show and even met my family a couple of days before Thanksgiving. When I asked him what he did for Thanksgiving, he replied, "I had dinner at a friend's house."
Eventually, I graduated to his home email address and finally got a chance to see where he lived. Yet I was so forthcoming in sharing of myself with him....thoughts, lifestyle, ideas... I had just been recently divorced and had not been with anyone since my ex and even told him. We would spend the evening together, I wouldn't hear from him the next day nor week....then it became ...2 weeks and his emails/phone calls became less and less. After a period of time I would hear from him again....and everything would be OK. I didn't hear from him during the holidays, (about 1 month).....Christmas, my birthday, New Years....then saw him early in the new year. One of my girlfriends who was celebrating her birthday saw him at a club during the holidays.. the time I anticipated his call. This did it and made me realize he "wasn't that into me". From there, I emailed him saying I wanted to stop sharing myself with him; but would remain "friends". Guess, what? I got an email today, "How are you?" I emailed him as a "friend" or an old acquaintance would but do not want to become an "ultimate friend" as people call their "hook-ups" now a days.
If a man is into a woman he will woe her even after they celebrate more time together. He will make plans for time alone with her. He will surprise her with gifts, large and small after she has said 'yes' to him for special occassions and no occassion. He will allow her to be herself and not try and force her into a manner which he will soon find unattractive. If he is into her he will be honest with her in every regard but be sensitive to her feelings and insecurities (does this dress make me look fat/short/ect) whlle doing so. If he is into you he will strive to give you 100% and not wait for her to 'match' him. This type of man isnt usually rich or famous or powerful but the way a woman feels about herself and her relationship with him as a result of him being into her is the way things are meant to be.
A guy will make time and shower a woman with attention if he is "In to her" but will forget dates, appointments and even not talk on the phone or on a date even if he is losing interest.
Body language is everything - a smile, the gleam in the eye and such are positive - texting and phone calls or working late is a negative.
I he is into you, you can't keep him away and he will be down right annoyingly attentive...
I am a 30 something Asian woman who writes for a foreign fashion magazine in Manhattan.
I had dated with a wonderful man for a year, but that roller coaster rides finally ended.
He was in the process of divorce, typical hedge fund guy, very social, aggressive, very charming.
He treated me like I am the only woman in the world. He said the sweetest things did the surprising things to please me. However, he got disappeared on me a few times in that year. It usually was when our relationship got better, when i felt closer to him. He obviously didn't feel comfortable with it. Lots of my girl friends said it could be his intimacy phobia related to the flashback memory from ex-wife, or stress from divorce.
Whatever the reason is,,, if he were afraid of getting closer to me, he's not that into me.
It's not his issue, it's not the timing, He simply doesn't feel content. I shouldn't struggle to find out the reason or solution for the problem. I should move on, clear the path for the new love. I don't want my love of life pass me by because I am with a man who is not that in to me.
I'd like inform you that Scarlett Johansson "actress"actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created illegally using stolen biomaterial.Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady.I'll tell more,those clones(it's not only 1)made in GERMANY-world leader manufacturer of humans clones,it's in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,Rhineland-Palatinate,Mr.Helmut Kohl home town.You can't even imaging the scale of the cloning activity.But warning,H.Kohl staff strictly controlling their clones spreading around the world,they're NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled,be careful get close with clones you will be controlled too.Original family didn't authorize any activity with stolen biomaterials,no matter what form it was created in,it's all need to be back to original family control in Cedars-Sinai MedicalCenter in LA.Controlling clones is US military operation.Original Scarlett never was engaged,by the way
