This was someone who almost delighted in seeing exactly how far he could push me before I would break—and let me tell you that the worst thing in the world is to deny a junkie the fix. One night after break-up sex following the umpteenth split, he smacked me. I got up right then and left him. I moved across the country shortly thereafter, thinking to myself, "This is ridiculous. I should seek help. That has to be rock bottom."
Rock bottom, it turns out, occurred with the emotionally unavailable guy after him. My gut told me he wasn't trustworthy, but I was attracted to him. I went ahead and dated him anyway. The breaking point occurred three months into dating him when I walked in on him having full-blown, forceful sex with another woman at a house party. It was like something in me just snapped. I can't describe the exact sensation, but I remember it happened the moment that he saw me and didn't stop. I ran out of the party and away from everyone. It was a moment where I realized that if I didn't stop, things could potentially go from just dating bad guys to a Lifetime movie: burning beds, abuse, financial ruin, or worse. I had to take a break from dating to see exactly what in the world caused me to make these horrible choices. I decided to go cold turkey. No casual dating, no flirting, nothing. I needed to be clear to sort out the drama of my life. I was going into a dating detoxification, and I was going to come out clean and sober.