Diagnosing A Dead-End Relationship
Moving on's not easy, but is it the right move?
Ok, you might have to sleep on a friend's couch for a while. You might not get to see your partner's mom (who you like more than your partner these days) anymore. You might not know what next month will look like. But who cares. What's the big deal with knowing? It's a false sense of security anyway. Just because you're not making the move to leave doesn't mean that your partner won't. There is always a surprise around the corner. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. But always a surprise.
So, if it's done, be done.
The clichés have it when it comes to why. You owe it to yourself. You deserve better. It's for the best. If it was meant to be, you'll get back together. Blah, blah, blah. Those expressions are cliché because, for better or for worse, they're true. Here's another one for you—life's too short. If you were going to die in a week, is this who you'd want to spend your remaining time with…
Discussion
But is the answer to ditch the relationship? I think it takes a good second look at yourself and be realistic about looking. Are you seeking something unattainable? Are you acting with patience and consideration for the other person. Sometimes it might can work with honesty. If after affording all these qualities to the other person and you still hit your head against the wall...then I vote yes.. move on.
I've been really lucky in this deparment. I've had quite a few relationships that just fizzled out, which is fine since the point of dating is to learn what you want for yourself and in a partner, but for the most part I've had partners that hit the wall about the same time I did. In those instances it was a talk about the situation, a realization that we've run out of tricks for jump-starting the battery...again, and that we care enough about each other to not keep the other from living their lives to the fullest. I have a couple of truly awesome friends that were lovers before. That damnable sexual tension just had to be delt with first for us to discover we are much better friends than romantic partners.
The 2 big questions are How much do you care about yourself, and How much do you care about your partner? If you aren't happy and you have seriously tried everything you can possibly think of WITH your partner then you need to do whats best for you. Sounds selfish, doesn't it? Well, it is, and it isn't. Relationships are about everyone's needs being met, not just yours or theirs. If you know you will never get what you want from the relationship and its something you define as a need then all you will do is hurt yourself in the long run. The longer you wait the more you'll hurt your partner as well, and I'm willing to bet that regardless of how much you want to get out you still care about that partner. Why shouldn't you? You have a relationship with time and intimacy invested with this person, you should care about them. Is sticking around when you don't want to good for them? HEEEELLLLLL NO! You only make them drag their feet that much more, and eventually you'll both probably grow to resent each other.
Sure, it isn't easy. But when has anything really worth something to you in your life been easy?
Easier said than done, but when it happens, I'll let everyone know. Maybe tomorrow will be a good time to walk away.....
