She wants more time with her BFF, she's jealous of his lady friend and he is not her boyfriend.
Today I decided to implement a new feature, advice. I don't pretend to know all the answers, but I do know when I see advice I can't get with. Note to reader, I'm of the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do school and think Gang Starr said it well, "It's often easier for one, to give advice. Than it is for a person to run one's own life. That's why I can't be caught up in all the hype." And that's what I like about it, it's easy. So, here goes:
Carolyn Hax, syndicated columnist, typically rocks some pretty solid advice. But last Friday's run in the Seattle Post Intelligencer was not too impressive. She got a question from a 20-something gal who wants to spend time with her BFF and not BFF's live-in dude from time to time. Ms. Hax suggests being honest and then some rambling, near-coherence about assertiveness and forgiveness. Just tell her that you'd like to hangout on the girl's night out tip. And that answer would probably work if applied to a totally rational person, but most of the women I've met in their early 20s (especially those who use the abbreviation 'BFF') are not rational when it comes to matters of the heart and have a serious propensity to be boy-crazy. Any problem that you have regarding her boyf (or heaven forbid, fiancée or husbo) automatically is "fightin' words." Play it cool, make some plans when old dude is out of town and pray that she can take a hint. The Sisterhood Of The Traveling aside, most of the time it's beaus before hos.* Forum: How do you deal with your boyfriend's pesky roommate?
Salon's Cary Tennis got a desperate plea for help from a woman whose husband seems to really dig the company of another woman. His advice is pretty OK, to wit, feel your feelings, don't be afraid to ask the husband (whose name I imagine to be Gary) for a little validation from time-to-time and, more or less, check yourself before you wreck yourself, because dudes don’t like be accused of stuff. As far as advice goes, I don't hate it. But he seems to be missing something about telling old girl to get on the same page as her husband. It's only been in the last 30 years or so that men and women have even been friends (seriously), it takes some getting used to; just pretend like the other broad is one of his thoughtless drinking buddies and everything will be gravy. It's probably a really bad idea to ask to smell his junk after they hang out though; Inquisitr tells us that's a good way to get punched in the head. Video: How To Catch a Cheater
Margo from Yahoo's Dear Margo gives us the curious rundown of the couple who isn't. Basically, a guy and gal have been dating and doing what couples do for about a year but he has never introduced her to family and friends as anything more than just a friend. She does not care for this lack of acknowledgement. Dear Margo's advice is to go back to being 'just friends' (with some implicit non-sex-having penalty for him) if he can't handle being in a grownup relationship. Chris Rock says, "If you've been dating a man for 4 months and haven't met any of his friends, you are not his girlfriend." Sage words, also please keep in mind that there is no sex in the champagne room. And furthermore, we're not sure if it was actually in the book but my homegirl Liz Tuccillo would probably say He’s Just Not That Into You and the brilliant Dan Savage would probably instruct you to DTMFA (dump the mother-father already). My advice, cut him loose and see if he fights for you. Life's too short (as is Too $hort) for these kinds of mind games.
So, that's it. Basically, young women are crazy, women and men can (barely) be platonic friends and it's a good idea not to let your feelings get stomped on when you can avoid it. Let me know if you buy into any of this. If you think my advice smells like yesterday's diaper, let me know that too. Foolery… out.
*Note: I will avoid using the word 'beau' in the future, it's a borderline despicable word.