Stop the presses, hold the phone and put your phasers on stun, according to Entertainmentwise, Britney Spears is dating Benji Madden (rather, going on dates with, but let's not split hairs here, aight?). Not the Madden brother that announces NFL games or the ex-con shoemake or the 1 that baby-timed it with Nicole Richie, but the 1 who was, to our knowledge, happily dating Paris Hilton.
You have every right to be confused. What would a mostly-punk rocker want with some bleach-blonde, famed-out panty-forgetter (or Britney Spears, for that matter)? Maybe we got sucked into the old anti-blonde prejudice, but neither Paris Hilton nor Britney Spears have ever seemed like spectacular conversationalists (though, since we've never met either we'll reserve judgment). Maybe the terse world of power pop that Good Charlotte operates in requires a ray of blonde sunlight to cut through the sunless weltschmerz.
More from YourTango: NeNe Leakes On Stripping Past: 'It Became An Addiction'
Outside of their physical appearance (and there it's only hair and lack thereof) and camera-magnetism, what do Brit-Brit and Paris really have in common? Yeah, they like to party but who doesn't? When introducing ourselves and adding something you may not know about us it always, "Uh, hi we're Celeb Love and we like to party," that is, we can empathize. But what else? Paris Hilton seems incredibly calculating (outside of the time she was recorded dropping the n-bomb) and Britney Spears feels more like a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type. Paris Hilton has gotten by on family name and sheer willpower, whereas Britney is a product of natural-born talent, production value and marketing.
More from YourTango: Trista Sutter Has No Regrets About Post-Pregnancy Plastic Surgery
Frankly, it sounds like dating either of them would be a bit of a chore. Unless things have picked up considerably since the Rick Salomon tape, the headache barely seems worthwhile (sure, we saw it, big whoop, wanna fight about it?). On the Britney side of the fence, she seems like she knows what she's doing in the bed. We heard that her quickie marriage to Jason Alexander (no, a different Jason Alexander) was preceded by hours of drunk, animalistic sex. So, that's what old Benji Madden has to look forward to; drunk, animalistic sex and more time in front of pap cameras. Good times followed by over-exposed times. Maybe they could do some kind of sunshine-on-a-cloudy-day duet. And for the rest of us, we can only hope that Paris Hilton pulls a Sean Avery and this results in the weave-pullingest cat-fight of the decade.