In Relationships, Does "Normal" Exist?
Jenny Block's girlfriend got upset after seeing "normal" friends on Facebook. But does normal exist?
What we can know, however, is ourselves and our own lives and the lives of those whom we choose to love. What we can know is that what we are doing is working for us, and that without other people's definitions of how things "should" be, we're doin' just fine. What we can know is that it's ok to want as long as that wanting comes from within. We all have a right to want what we want, not what the world tells us we should want. How much happier we might all be if we looked to ourselves for guidance on how to live and love instead of to "chick flicks" and the psychobabble of daytime TV.
My girlfriend was fine once we talked it out and got to the root of what she was feeling and the realty of what she was seeing. But I have no doubt that this will happen again. Next time it might happen to my husband or my mom or even me. But it will happen again. Conventions can be a dangerous things, because when it comes to love and sex and marriage and relationships, there is no one size that fits all.
Discussion
Sometimes my lover has the same problems. He has always believed in being lovingly committed and loving a married woman is so difficult for him. Add to that the fact that he's Canadian and I'm American and that we are expecting our first child in Dec. and it's very difficult to navigate this road. We just keep reminding each other that we've come so damn far and we are committed to to going farther. What others think is their problem not ours...and none of us are conformists anyhow so on with the loving!
It's good to hear you were able to talk out your feelings and see that people generally are looking for approval and to share their happiness, and loss. Sometimes a happy family picture is just that...a happy family picture! There is nothing stopping any of us poly folk from making a few happy family portraits of our own! :)
It is normal to want a family. Our biological drives support this idea. And since we are more than physical beings, as we are emotional and spiritual too, we desire to support these biological drives with the same person. We desire to build, grow and share a life together.
You know what the best thing is about being an adult? You are responsible for yourself and for your definition of yourself. You are who you choose to be. Its very powerful, and its very daunting because we are constantly told what we are supposed to be like. Thats your choice to follow the herd or define your own path, just remember that its YOUR choice.
Clever comments and intelligent wording games of explanation for what "normal" may be or not be,at certain time of our lives do not change facts of life.But does certainly helps to provide emotional comfort and support for those who need it.There is nothing more beautiful and emotional fullfilling than to have and love your kids(boys or girls) and laugh with them or cry with them or for them.
Of course there is a time for everything.A time for being a kid, a time for being a teenager, a time for being a
lady , a time for being sexy and sensual and a time for being a mother.A none of those times segments of our lives, for men and woman alike precludes or prevents the existance of the others.It is the correct balance and blend of those different realities within ourselves what best allow us to bring success, failures or happiness to our lives.
And remember that words do not change life but life do change, how we exlain it, in words.
Miguel. Xiques
xiquesgroup@hotmail.com
I have come to the conclusion that "Normal" is a subjective term. It is like "society". Both words are dependent on who you associate with, what organizations you belong to, who your friends are. It is like being Politically correct, the rules are always changing. Normal is what is right for you. What your instincts tell you is good or bad-right or wrong. How you view your world within as well as the outside world.
I have a friend who has no desire for children. None! She acknowledges that she is too selfish to be selfless as a mother. She doesn't want to be constrained with the responsibility of children. She also has no desire to get married. She has lived with a few partners, but will "never" get married. She feels that her true soul mate will understand this and not need the bindings of the governmental or religious certificate to be committed to one another. She gets blind sided all the time that she is not normal. Something must be wrong with her, but she is true and honest with her self and with others.
No one should ask anymore than this. It should be accepted that she is a unique individual, as we should all strive to be our unique selves. She is happy with who she is, and acknowledges that she would be miserable if she "followed the herd"
remind yourself that just because everyone else is doing it doesnt mean you have to. Your life is YOUR life. And if you are truly happy with your life, you wont be afraid to let the whole world know it. What works for you doesnt always work for others.
I don't think normal exists in any relationship. My H and I are pretty white bread. But we are constantly redefining normal for our relationship. I think it is as you evolve and grow your sense of "normal" changes and I would hope that someone you've chosen for your SO would change with you.
