Mariah Carey Pregnant?

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Mariah Carey Pregnant?
Nick Cannon may be further tethered to Mariah Carey.

According to Bossip (and they heard it from a friend who heard if from a friend who heard if from the New York Post's Page Six) Mariah Carey may have a tiny human being in her belly. If the reports are to be believed, she did not eat this person as her man-eater moniker might suggest (in addition to being a heart-breaker). And finally, it is being said that person is actually growing at an incredible rate and will probably be asked to leave in roughly 8 – 10 months. Fascinating stuff.

The truth: Mariah Carey is married. Her husband is a man named Nick Cannon and Dave Chappelle's son says he is hilarious. Taking it further, most hilarious people are pretty smart (though smart people are not, in their nature, necessarily hilarious). But smart men appear to have higher quality sperm.

The conjecture: And we heard that Mariah made Nick wait until they were married to have sex. But Nick is smart and hilarious enough that he could have probably charmed his way into not having to wear a condom. And women in Hollyweird, evidently, stopped using the pill long ago (if Nicole Richie and Jamie Lynn Spears exemplify that crowd). And Mariah Carey seems squeamish about messes, so coitus interuptus is likely right out the window (take it literally, if you must).

The conclusion: So we know that Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon. And we know more babies than not are born to wedded parents (at least if they know what's good for them). We know Nick Cannon is hilarious and that hilarious people are smart (unless it's all fat suit humor) and smart men have potent swimmers. And if that's true and they aren't using birth control (or the rhythm method, whatever that may mean) then Mariah Carey is probably pregnant. Also, she was photographed leaving an OB-GYN's office with a packet that looked like it could potentially be holding sonogram photos (which pretty much any packet could handle).

Nick Cannon may have surpassed Brad Pitt as the male celebrity most in over his head in a relationship, despite being hilarious therefore smart therefore fecund.

According to Celebutopia, Eric Mabius (of Ugly Betty) had another kid recently. Sweet work, Mabius. Also, Josh Holloway, Lost's Sawyer, knocked up his wife. Possibly just by looking at her, the virile bastard.

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