Can everyone just accept that Boy George, like Vincent van Gogh, is too beautiful for our laws, cultural norms and conceptual understanding of the illusion of experiential reality and call it a day? No? We're going to do this the hard way, aren't we? Fine, cruel world, we'll play it however you care to, we're game.
The luminary being born by the human name George O'Dowd is in some hot water (enough to flash fry a buffalo in 30 seconds) about something that was surely just a misunderstanding. According to DListed, Boy George (in Spanish, Niño Jorge) has been convicted of mishandling a delicate male escort (re: manwhore).
More from YourTango: 'Fifty Shades' Friday: Catch Up On The Week's Biggest News!
According to DListed, Boy George hired a guy named Auden Carlsen for a nudie photo shoot. As the shoot ran its course, Boy George handcuffed Auden Carlsen to a wall and beat him with a chain. And despite his lawyer's plea (we swear to God we're not making this up) that Boy George was too fat to overpower a gigolo, a court convicted Boy George of false imprisonment and likely some sort of battery.
More from YourTango: Want Hotter Sex? Let Beyoncé Be Your Between-The-Sheets Guru
Not to be callous but who among us hasn't captured a gigolo and roughed him up a bit? Where do you think the phrase "beat him like a rented manwhore" came from? Show of hands. S&M, even with a musical genius, has its own etiquette. You can do a lot of weird stuff to a consenting adult as long as they consent and you're nice about it (right, Dan Savage). At any rate, it looks like the quite lonely Boy George is going to have some new roommates quite soon. Kudos to DListed for their gag "He Didn't Really Want To Hurt Him," but we think karma, that bitch chameleon, came calling early as Boy George is now the one dealing with uncomfortable confines.
Speaking of lonesome Georges, the Telegraph is reporting that iconic turtle Lonesome George is having a difficult time reproducing. After decades of no interest in sex with females (hmm), George mated the heck out of a couple of comely lady reptiles. And there was much rejoicing in the Galapagos. But the eggs that LG fathered are not fairing so well. And the 90-year old shell head (shell back) may not have it in him to crank it up again. Maybe they need to spice it up a little for LG. Throw in a few random encounters in a public area, maybe they could get a good looking young model from the mainland to pique his interest. Think outside of the shell, zoologists. Maybe chat up Boy George (or Marilyn Manson), if need be.